I am really trying to keep my side of the bargain and go on dates. There is just no way around it if I ever want to meet someone. Probably. I could also hope to meet him in the supermarket or some other obscure place.

But let’s be honest, online dating is a useful tool. And not everyone you meet on Tinder just wants to have sex. At least not right away. Or maybe this is the wrong to way to go about. Maybe I should just look for someone who wants to only have sex and just get it over with. And enjoy it while doing so.

By my rambling you must realize that apparently I don’t even know myself what I want. Do I look for a casual hook up or do I want a long-term relationship? Then Tinder is most likely not the best place to start.

But I should start by hopping in the sack with someone. Let’s look for a hookup.

So the date I had yesterday was totally wrong for that. He, let’s call him “Smelly Cat” in honor of Phoebe on Friends, was totally wrong for that.

First of all we met for lunch. Works for me, cause I don’t always go. So when I do I can take a bit longer. We met at a really yummy place not far from work and kissed hello. Yes, we do that in Europe. It’s not a big deal to do the kissy-kissy on the cheeks.

But holy moly had he bad breath. I almost fainted and not in a good way. And then he wanted to sit next to me instead of across. Which in hindsight was probably better anyway.

Besides this obvious strike against him, he was also too old. Although younger than I by a year, I had the feeling I sat next to a middle-aged man. Which he was, because I am middle-aged too. But I don’t feel like it. And he definitely felt like it. And acted like it.

Plus he didn’t eat lunch. Who suggests a lunch date to then only drink coffee? How weird is that? So I sat there, enjoying a wonderful lunch while he had a cappuccino. No, that really doesn’t work for me. If you meet me for a meal and then don’t eat, that’s it with us. This will never work.

Because of course the halitosis is bad but there is a chance it is curable. Maybe. So basically if I would have fallen in love at first sight I could have …

Maybe let’s not go there. Whatever chances the guy had, they were instantly crushed by the halitosis. Let’s be realistic about this. Everything else is secondary.

Can we talk about the standards of personal hygiene then? Is is too much to ask that you brush your teeth and floss regularly? And also know a dentist whom you see on a regular basis? I thought at this time and age people have already realized that there is a minimum of personal hygiene required when you meet someone for a date. Argh, I can’t even write about it anymore. Just thinking of this smell gives me the shivers again. So please guys, if any of you are even reading that, a toothbrush is not only an accessory in the bathroom! You have to actually use it!

So what have I learned while on this date? Never meet for lunch. Especially not on a weekday. Because then i can’t drink. And some dates require a lot of drinks just to get through them.