Stupid, stupid me

I am not sure where it all went wrong again. But here it is.
I met this guy, let’s call him B, last fall via an online dating site. We hit it off not right away but there were definitely sparks. And then I fell for him, and then I went on vacation.
THe moment I am back, while staying in touch with him all the time during my vacation, all of a sudden he is super busy and can only find time a week after my return to see me.
Long story short, that was the only time after my vacation that we saw each other. Three days later he stopped answering calls and texts. And that was that.

For Christmas and New Year’s I got a short impersonal message, to which I replied that by now I no longer wished to stay in touch. I mean what was the point. To be completely honest, I still thought about him from time to time. He was rather cute…

So when I left for vacation again in February I sent an e-mail just before taking-off that I still missed him. And when I arrived I had a text back from him. Saying he missed me too plus sending his number along. So we started to text a bit while I was on vacation. We even talked on viber once. He didn’t say much except that he was really happy that I got in touch and that he missed me a lot. But that he himself would not have gotten in touch with me! Wow, what a bummer!!!

Still we kind of kept in touch during the three weeks I was gone. A week before my return I asked him to pick me up from the airport. He complied, telling me that looked forward to seeing me. I had an overnight flight with a stop in Paris before arriving in Vienna at noon. In Paris I checked my mails and messages, no cancellation from him. But of course there was one when I arrived in Vienna. He had sent it an hour before my arrival. Why was I not more surprised!

Which I also told him, maybe in different words. He finally got in touch again the next day, asking how I have been and so on. My cool reaction made him actually call me this time and tell me that he really wanted to see me and that he would pick me up the next day from work and take me out for dinner.
Next day came around, no call, no message, no nothing from him.
At 5:30 I left the office and made my way to the gym. As if I had know it, I took my sports bag with me that morning. Sport always makes me feel better about myself!

When I arrived home, I was mad! I What a jerk and how stupid was I to put up with all his crap! So I sent a text that I was already home and quite hungry, asking him when he would show up and where we would go.
More apologies later, and lots of almost tear jerking texts about him wanting see me, feel me, and be close to me, he promised to be at my office the next day and bring me to my friend’s place. Since I had plans for the rest of the week and was in the mood to cancel anything! Honestly I didn’t expect him to show up after I had told him what a jerk he was.

It seemed he was not so impressed with me calling him names cause he showed up the next day, right on time. When I got in the car I wanted to hear an apology or something. And here it is again my high expectation problem! People will never live up my expectations, I should really get rid of this notion. I should dig deeper into this why I am I expecting so much.
So two minutes into the car ride I have already told him three times what an a** he was. The only thing he did was to clam up completely. Telling me he was not at fault, his job was very important. Cause the reason he couldn’t be at the airport was that he had to work in another city about 5 hours away from here. As if!! he wouldn’t know already the evening before that he wouldn’t make it? I mean , what is the big deal about canceling on time. And also the next day? Just sending a text that it would not work. But no, apologizing is not for him.

He brought me to my friend, I got out and told him, this had just confirmed what I thought about him. Which was that the was a superficial egomaniac, and I didn’t say that out loud. But I thought it, no reason to get into an even bigger fight.
So when I went up to friend’s place, I wrote him a text that this was a shame.
And later on he wrote back, no sorry, it was a shame about us. I of course wrote something back and later even called again when I left my friend. He didn’t pick up again and there was also no reaction to my last text that said that a job is just a job, but people are not replaceable.

Maybe I wanted too much, on the other hand I still think I deserve more respect than what I got from him. Not cancelling on time, not calling means not thinking and not caring about the other person. And isn’t that a minimum requirement for a relationship?
So why am I still sad?

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