Here comes ‘the Dad’

I guess I will never learn. Although I haven’t written anything in a long time, i hope some of you are still out there. You know why I haven’t written? Because nothing happened in my life. For pretty long time. I think the cook more than a year ago was the most adventure I had in 2018. So I decided that 2019 must be better.

I started again going on Tinder dates, which to be honest I also did last year. There was just nobody who interested me the least. Then all of a sudden, really out of the blue, I meet this guy on a date and have a really good time. He is younger of course, they always are and already a dad of three at his age. Never mind, this is not my problem.

So we have this great first date where I really felt we had something in common. Bedside the age difference and a lot of tattoos on his side. I liked him. I also liked that he stayed in touch and asked for another date already the next day.

So two days later we meet in the afternoon instead of the evening and even sober I have the feeling that this is a good guy. So when we see each other the third time we land at my place and he stays over. Let’s not go into details but I loved it.

The plan was from the beginning to meet the next day again. Which he then canceled relatively last minute because he had been drinking already since 4pm. It was a work day btw and I was still in the office at that time. I decided against going to the bar to meet him, there is really no point meeting up at 7:30 when someone is quite far ahead in the game.

We met two days later though when he picked me up from an evening class, went to see a football game in a pub (I love football, so no drama here) and missed the second half by going somewhere else instead to talk (his idea, not mine). He stayed again the night and gave me lift the next morning to the office.

He was texting until I left the Friday of that week to go on a two week trip alone. We stayed in touch while he left two days after me to go on a business trip 11 hours time difference away from my location. Still, I felt there was less interest coming from him. First I thought it’s a business trip after all, so no sweat.

So last Saturday we texted last and he was flying back home the next day. Then nothing from him anymore. So this morning I texted him, asking how the homecoming was and told him that it was already my last day in the area. He saw the text and the picture (from the beach). And I also saw him online at different times on what’s app and still no message for me.

I don’t understand. I mean I understand that he has no interest anymore but I don’t get what happened. I hate this ghosting. Thee is really nothing worse than this. Not sure if there is anything that I can do to improve the situation except move on again with my life. As much as I’m upset that this is happening again, I am also glad to note that at least I can still fall in love. I really thought I had lost it. Because with the chef it was definitely not love.

The question here is really, just in case he does get in touch again, what am I to do?

Sushi night with the tattooed chef

Let’s start with the good news: I finally did it! I almost can’t believe it myself if I weren’t there. But it’s true, it happened and I came. What more does a girl want?

A lot actually as I noticed. We started off on the right foot with fantastic sushi that the chef hand-delivered and a bottle of wine. When we were both full we moved to the couch. Always something I abhor, sex on a full stomach. But there was still foreplay to be had in form of some small talk.

When we exhausted that he moved in to kiss me while exposing my breasts at the same time. Quite a move I have to say. Plus he started kissing my neck using his teeth to do so. So nice of him to mention that if it was too rough I should just let him know. Maybe easier to start out slow and not go for the neck biting first. I was wondering if you took his clues from watching ‘Twilight‘.

Because he must have watched some kind films to come up with his moves. Once inside the bedroom I was sitting on the bed, naked already, while he got undressed in front of me. The moment his underwear was off he pushed his dick in my mouth and forced my head down. So fast he didn’t see it coming I slapped his hand away and told him if he values his dick he better abstain from such a move. What’s up with the young people of this world? Where have they learned that this is standard behavior in the bedroom on your first night? From online porn movies?

At least he went down and did a good job. Wherever he got his moves from, this one worked. But later while I got a condom from my drawer he came up behind me and asked about anal. Can’t we just start with the real deal first before going into overdrive?

Also what’s up with socks? Is it too much to ask that you remove them? Besides the socks, which I insisted to come off, I was not allowed to touch either his hair or his beard. As good as the sex was, and it was well worth it, I was kind of put off by the rest. Maybe I was just too long out of the game and this is all okay? Or maybe he was just a douche?

We will never know because he walked out my door, we exchanged texts for the next two days and then he was never heard of again. One of my friends had the theory it’s because I did a before and after pic with him. She thinks that’s too much of coupledom for some dudes. Possible! But you know what, I only care a little. I had a good time with him, and I really appreciated the sex. OMG, it was good (or I was just hungry for it) but whatever it was, it helped! I felt amazing after.

So what do I take away from this? Next time don’t wait that long!

Second date with tatooed chef

You won’t believe it because I almost don’t, but the chef is back in my life. It’s so easy to forget about everything and throw my principles (do I even have any?) overboard.

I got back from vacation and the very next day I got a “happy new year” text from him. So now we are back on after texting back and forth the better part of the last two weeks. We even exchanged a couple of pictures (not what you think) and the more I see of him the less I find him sexy. That was already the problem before seeing him the first time. He definitely scores in the personality department. But he f*cked that up over Christmas.

So now I find myself confused. On the one hand I just want to do the deed. I have been talking about it so long it is really time to take the plunge and go for it. On the other hand I like him, but maybe only as a what’s app lover? Or should I just shut up and see what the evening brings?

These voices in my head get louder and louder and I know I am stupid because this is a second date that will, except if something goes super wrong, turn into my long-wished for sexual re-awakening. And I need that. My body needs that. And also my mental health! So maybe I should just drink a bit, get stimulated on sushi that he brings over (from the best place in town!) and go for it.

I loved what my friend told me yesterday. To relax because he should be the one to be nervous. I am the mature and experienced older woman with lots of lovers (okay, so maybe not lots but age appropriate) and I know what I want. Which is true. I do know what I want most of the times. I just don’t understand why I always get so insecure. And hung up on little details. And so dependent on the kindness of some guy. Arghh!

In any case, please God (if you are out there) let it happen tonight. I have to get back on this proverbial horse and just get the elephant out of the room. I feel like a reborn virgin again. And this must end. Tonight! Wish me luck!

 

The tattooed chef

So recently I decided to take Tinder more serious (isn’t that actually a contradiction?) and try to go on some actual dates. Not just ones in my head, but real ones with real people. I find this kind of hard because the guys who write to me disqualify themselves after a couple of texts and then I just get bored.

So then one day this chef writes to me and I feel a spark of interest from the onset. Who would have thought this was still possible? What astonished me the most was that I gave out my number. Willingly! Haven’t done that in years, usually I wait until after the first date.

We messaged back and forth and even after agreeing on an actual date he kept on writing. I like that, I really do. Nothing worse than writing nicely and once a date has been agreed all of a sudden communication stops. I find that weird and most often cancel dates after that. It kind of gives me the feeling that the guy isn’t interested at all.

So the tattooed chef is different and therefore I overlook his spelling errors which are usually a no-go for me. Absolutely kill any buzz. But I like him, I like the way he writes and what he writes and even though I don’t find him sexy on his picture I find that he looks kind. My friend is sure though that I won’t have sex with him. Kind never does the trick for a one-night-stand.

In any case we meet late. It’s Christmas season and always in advent I am busy. Everybody wants to meet, to party or just go for a drink and I only have a Saturday evening available. Since he is a chef he can’t leave before 9pm and we eventually settle on 9:30. Normally I won’t even get off the couch much less out of my jogger. But in this case I do even though it’s my only evening at home.

And he impresses me by being early. Which I love! And even though I am not initially impressed with him I am nervous. Haven’t felt like this in a long time. So we sit in this Gin and Tonic bar and drink one after another. And the more I drink the more interesting he gets. And all of a sudden I find he is not one-night-stand but ‘let’s meet again’ material. Why oh why do I always have to change course? Especially after 7 G&T.

Because the end result was some very intense kissing. Really, really intense and I am glad we haven’t been booked for indecent behavior on the streets. But I went home alone. And wasn’t the mission to just get laid?? I should always focus on my mission, keep that on the forefront of my mind.

I got some more lovely texts the next morning and even a shirtless picture but after that it kind of dried out. I don’t know what exactly happened but something went awry and we lost touch 6 days after our date.

So what happened? It all goes from 100 downhill. And to be honest he was not the kind of guy I would have wanted a relationship to begin with. 14 years younger, really heavily tattooed, a beard and a small pouch at his age already. So what happened to my brain? Did the alcohol turn it all to mush?

And what do I take away from another date gone haywire? Okay maybe not the date, just the aftermath. I like to think that I am back in the game. There are still people out there that I find attractive. Second, I should drink less and keep my eye on the ball. The point is now to get laid. Everything else is secondary. Will keep you posted on how I’m doing.

PS: don’t get it though why I still think about the chef.

The standards of personal hygiene while dating

I am really trying to keep my side of the bargain and go on dates. There is just no way around it if I ever want to meet someone. Probably. I could also hope to meet him in the supermarket or some other obscure place.

But let’s be honest, online dating is a useful tool. And not everyone you meet on Tinder just wants to have sex. At least not right away. Or maybe this is the wrong to way to go about. Maybe I should just look for someone who wants to only have sex and just get it over with. And enjoy it while doing so.

By my rambling you must realize that apparently I don’t even know myself what I want. Do I look for a casual hook up or do I want a long-term relationship? Then Tinder is most likely not the best place to start.

But I should start by hopping in the sack with someone. Let’s look for a hookup.

So the date I had yesterday was totally wrong for that. He, let’s call him “Smelly Cat” in honor of Phoebe on Friends, was totally wrong for that.

First of all we met for lunch. Works for me, cause I don’t always go. So when I do I can take a bit longer. We met at a really yummy place not far from work and kissed hello. Yes, we do that in Europe. It’s not a big deal to do the kissy-kissy on the cheeks.

But holy moly had he bad breath. I almost fainted and not in a good way. And then he wanted to sit next to me instead of across. Which in hindsight was probably better anyway.

Besides this obvious strike against him, he was also too old. Although younger than I by a year, I had the feeling I sat next to a middle-aged man. Which he was, because I am middle-aged too. But I don’t feel like it. And he definitely felt like it. And acted like it.

Plus he didn’t eat lunch. Who suggests a lunch date to then only drink coffee? How weird is that? So I sat there, enjoying a wonderful lunch while he had a cappuccino. No, that really doesn’t work for me. If you meet me for a meal and then don’t eat, that’s it with us. This will never work.

Because of course the halitosis is bad but there is a chance it is curable. Maybe. So basically if I would have fallen in love at first sight I could have …

Maybe let’s not go there. Whatever chances the guy had, they were instantly crushed by the halitosis. Let’s be realistic about this. Everything else is secondary.

Can we talk about the standards of personal hygiene then? Is is too much to ask that you brush your teeth and floss regularly? And also know a dentist whom you see on a regular basis? I thought at this time and age people have already realized that there is a minimum of personal hygiene required when you meet someone for a date. Argh, I can’t even write about it anymore. Just thinking of this smell gives me the shivers again. So please guys, if any of you are even reading that, a toothbrush is not only an accessory in the bathroom! You have to actually use it!

So what have I learned while on this date? Never meet for lunch. Especially not on a weekday. Because then i can’t drink. And some dates require a lot of drinks just to get through them.

 

The standards of dating

This is not a Tinder story, but it definitely could be. Last weekend I was invited to a party. More like an event than a party at my age.

The evening started with dinner and since we were many, the hosts had drawn a seating chart. In front of the chart stood the chef of the restaurant. Young, cute and quite the charmer.

I batted my eyes a bit and hoped for the best. And it worked! He noticed me and we started some chitchat. Of course during dinner there was no chance to see him. When it was time for dessert it was him who handed it out.

By then I was hopelessly “smitten”; you won’t believe how good the food was which added immensely to his sex appeal. While drinking shots with the other guest I kept up eye contact from time to time. I really thought I was one smooth cougar.

But then I heard that he has a girlfriend. Ugh, of course. How could it be otherwise. I gave up on any idea and left early with friends to hit the designated party spot. We advanced to Gin&Tonic which always helps to drown sorrow.

Oh, but what a joy! About an hour later the chef walks in and after drinking some more makes a beeline straight to me. Hah, I still have what it takes apparently. Will write that down in my book.

Too bad that he was drunk as a skunk by then. So was not really that much of a compliment. He did ask my age though and didn’t run away, which I liked. But that could have also been the amount of alcohol.

He kept coming on to ask me to go for a drink. Wasn’t sure what he meant with “let’s go to the back of the bar” since we were already in the back of the bar. But then I caught a fleeting glance of a very young, blond girl who tried to kill me with its menace. And I knew exactly what I had to do.

I whispered softly in his ear that this is just not my style and neither should it be his. Turned around and ordered another Gin&Tonic with my friends. Very happy though that the 14 years difference didn’t faze him.

PS: do you think my standards are too high? Shouldn’t I just think about what makes me happy? Is it okay to find it weird that a guy wants to make out although his gf is right behind him? What has changed in the last couple of years that this apparently is okay behavior?

Make your vagina happy

“Make your vagina happy!” I had to laugh when I heard these words yesterday. I just had skyped with my friend, listening to her love woes for over 90 minutes but she still found time to leave me with this advice.

When I stopped laughing I noticed that she was right. Something got to change because since two years I am living in a draught. Absolutely freaking dry spell. There was nothing in between except a kissing session. That can’t be healthy.

So I have decided to come up with a game plan to make it rain again in my nether regions. I haven’t taken the pledge (and by the way I am too old for that anyway) so why do I live like that?

It’s not as if I haven’t been active on Tinder. Although I use it mostly to promote my other blog. Still, I have met guys but I just never felt any kind of attraction. And I need a spark before doing the deed.

I also hate it when guys on Tinder already want to close the deal before we have even met. Excuse me? How should I know beforehand if there is even any chemistry. Just because you want to have a “fun date” doesn’t mean that I will be into you.

So I will be adventurous the next couple of months. I promised myself to show sexual prowess. I will keep you posted about what will happen. If you guys have any suggestion of better online sites than Tinder, I would be happy to hear from you.

I miss you

Leaving Aussie guy behind at the 5* hotel in Bangkok was one of the hardest thing to do. First of all it was still early and I knew he was going back to bed and secondly I didn’t know if and when I would see him again.

Apparently he felt the same way because after I had checked in at the airport and had a wi-fi connection I got a text from him that he missed me in his arms already. What can I say? I just melted, probably because he sounded in better shape than last night and maybe, just maybe there would have been a chance to go at it again before he would be sick all over. Plus he called me my love. In hindsight it didn’t mean what it implied but I was ecstatic.

And from then on it all went wrong. Because I answered his one lovely text with about five. Plus I sent another one from the plane. What can I say, it was the first time that I had an Internet connection on a plane. So maybe I should just blame Aeroflot for everything.

Once in Moscow I sent another text, talk about overkill, but then I heard back from him. He had met up with his friends and he was still not feeling well. He was also going home that evening.

Everything that was written above, was written right after everything happened. I don’t really know why I never finished this story. Maybe it was too painful. In a way it still is. But I want to move on with my life and therefore I have decided to write about the end.

We managed to talk twice on the phone. The time difference was a killer. 11 hours are not nothing when you both hold jobs. He promised me that he would like into flights and that he would come and see me in November. I felt loved and cherished by this big guy. I haven’t felt like this in ages. Also I trusted him completely. He was available and reliable and I never feared that I wouldn’t hear from him.

But this is exactly what happened. One day, there was just no answer, no text, no explanation. Just one big silence. And like that he vanished into the night.

Saying goodbye

My last morning dawned, not just with Aussie guy but of my trip. Before meeting Aussie I had been backpacking for three months on my own and had the best time of my life. all of a sudden all of this freedom was to end, plus I had to say goodbye to this dreamy package of a man.

Too bad that our last night together couldn’t have been further from romantic, what with Aussie sleeping the sleep of the dead and me praying for him to recover and hoping for a last bout of sexual activity.

It was not to be. I packed up my things while Aussie talked to the toilet bowl again. What can I say, as much as I felt sorry for him, I felt sorry for myself. Shortly before I left the room he gave me his t-shirt in which I met him the first time. Wouldn’t have thought that he would remember that in his condition, but he did.

He managed to accompany me downstairs and wait with me for my cab and then it was already time to say goodbye. One last kiss and a wave and I was on the way to the airport.

Last day together 

Since this is not a fairy tale all good things must come to an end. I had only booked the bungalow in Koh Samui for a week and was flying back home in two days time.

But before it came to this I still had a day with Aussie hunk who also flew with me to Bangkok. With me might be a little bit exaggerated since I had booked my flight already weeks ago (so much for spontaneous traveling, can’t change the Monk in me) and he only two days before.

When booking my flight I had also splurged on a 20$ hotel near the airport, but with pooL, since I was leaving early the day after. Aussie of course had other ideas (and damn the man I loved him for that) and splurged on a 5* hotel with an outdoor pool on the 10th floor overlooking the city. What can I say, as much as I like to sleep in hostels when I’m backpacking I’m also a sucker for grand gestures and luxury gestures just turn me on!

Anyways so he was flying in the morning from Koh Samui while I still had time to pack leisurely and take the plane at noon. When I arrived at the Sofitel he was already waiting for me at our room and I kid you not the sex was that much better with this gorgeous view over Bangkok. Like an extra kick with the huge window front open for the whole world to see. Of course on the 38th floor no one can see anything.

We spent the little rest of the day with a swim in the magnificent pool and later a visit to the pier for dinner. Our night activity was cut short though because he had caught a stomach bug and needed to get back to the hotel where he spent a significant amount of time in the bathroom while I had to watch tv really loud. Don’t you hate these modern rooms which don’t afford you any privacy?

Anyway I am glad we had had the goodbye sex in the afternoon because once he got into bed he fell into a comatose sleep and that was that.