Spring is here – I am ready for love!

I noticed that I haven’t written in a long time and you might be wondering what I have been up to. To make it short, not much.

Let’s get it out of the way and start with Special K. I have not heard from him since I came back from the Alps. His answer to my text was all I got from him and since almost 8 weeks nothing else. So when I went running last weekend I have been thinking about this “relationship” we have. I am officially tired about it. There is this quote from Stephen Chbosky’s “The perks of being a wallflower” which says that we accept the love we think we deserve. I deserve more, way more. Because what I am getting with him is nothing. And I know he never promised me anything, but getting nothing is less than I expected.

1271And here we come full circle to the problem of expectations again. I knew there was nothing to gain by seeing him except having a good time while it lasted. And still I was kind of expecting to hear from him As I wrote myself I though he would get in touch in March. Which we have now. By now I am feeling quite disappointed, about him , about myself. Always, always expecting something, hoping for something that will never come to pass. I have to let go, this will not lead to anything. I will just keep on hoping and wasting my time.


While waiting for Special K to get in touch, I went online to see what guys are out there. Is it me or are they just awful? Are my expectations too high? Why? Because I want to meet someone whom I like to look at? Because to my eyes he has to be handsome and to my brain he has to be a clever funny sea-god? Does a person like this even exist? Sure they do. Just not online.

After the “gap-meeting” I dated I guy who was 3 years my senior and already talked about early retirement. Way to go, yeah. Can’t wait to live with him and hear this everyday! I was glad that he invited me to a Greek restaurant. Choose some appetizer mix which included Skordaliá (garlic puree). Had no problem going home alone!

I arranged some other dates but either the places they suggested or the way they were before on the phone made me cancel all of them. But I don’ feel bored or lonely or anything. There is so much to do and spring is here, I think love is in the air. Maybe I just have to breathe it in!

2 thoughts on “Spring is here – I am ready for love!

  1. Expectation is something I have pondered about and struggled with many times. There is no stopping expectation. You just have to realize that you will expect things in life and from people and yes, sometimes they will cause you heartache but that doesn’t mean that you should stop trying. That being said, pffffft on Special K. And I totally understand. At a certain point it becomes exhausting and you don’t want to keep trying and waiting and hoping.
    But hang in there! big hug!


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