Sushi night with the tattooed chef

Let’s start with the good news: I finally did it! I almost can’t believe it myself if I weren’t there. But it’s true, it happened and I came. What more does a girl want?

A lot actually as I noticed. We started off on the right foot with fantastic sushi that the chef hand-delivered and a bottle of wine. When we were both full we moved to the couch. Always something I abhor, sex on a full stomach. But there was still foreplay to be had in form of some small talk.

When we exhausted that he moved in to kiss me while exposing my breasts at the same time. Quite a move I have to say. Plus he started kissing my neck using his teeth to do so. So nice of him to mention that if it was too rough I should just let him know. Maybe easier to start out slow and not go for the neck biting first. I was wondering if you took his clues from watching ‘Twilight‘.

Because he must have watched some kind films to come up with his moves. Once inside the bedroom I was sitting on the bed, naked already, while he got undressed in front of me. The moment his underwear was off he pushed his dick in my mouth and forced my head down. So fast he didn’t see it coming I slapped his hand away and told him if he values his dick he better abstain from such a move. What’s up with the young people of this world? Where have they learned that this is standard behavior in the bedroom on your first night? From online porn movies?

At least he went down and did a good job. Wherever he got his moves from, this one worked. But later while I got a condom from my drawer he came up behind me and asked about anal. Can’t we just start with the real deal first before going into overdrive?

Also what’s up with socks? Is it too much to ask that you remove them? Besides the socks, which I insisted to come off, I was not allowed to touch either his hair or his beard. As good as the sex was, and it was well worth it, I was kind of put off by the rest. Maybe I was just too long out of the game and this is all okay? Or maybe he was just a douche?

We will never know because he walked out my door, we exchanged texts for the next two days and then he was never heard of again. One of my friends had the theory it’s because I did a before and after pic with him. She thinks that’s too much of coupledom for some dudes. Possible! But you know what, I only care a little. I had a good time with him, and I really appreciated the sex. OMG, it was good (or I was just hungry for it) but whatever it was, it helped! I felt amazing after.

So what do I take away from this? Next time don’t wait that long!

Second date with tatooed chef

You won’t believe it because I almost don’t, but the chef is back in my life. It’s so easy to forget about everything and throw my principles (do I even have any?) overboard.

I got back from vacation and the very next day I got a “happy new year” text from him. So now we are back on after texting back and forth the better part of the last two weeks. We even exchanged a couple of pictures (not what you think) and the more I see of him the less I find him sexy. That was already the problem before seeing him the first time. He definitely scores in the personality department. But he f*cked that up over Christmas.

So now I find myself confused. On the one hand I just want to do the deed. I have been talking about it so long it is really time to take the plunge and go for it. On the other hand I like him, but maybe only as a what’s app lover? Or should I just shut up and see what the evening brings?

These voices in my head get louder and louder and I know I am stupid because this is a second date that will, except if something goes super wrong, turn into my long-wished for sexual re-awakening. And I need that. My body needs that. And also my mental health! So maybe I should just drink a bit, get stimulated on sushi that he brings over (from the best place in town!) and go for it.

I loved what my friend told me yesterday. To relax because he should be the one to be nervous. I am the mature and experienced older woman with lots of lovers (okay, so maybe not lots but age appropriate) and I know what I want. Which is true. I do know what I want most of the times. I just don’t understand why I always get so insecure. And hung up on little details. And so dependent on the kindness of some guy. Arghh!

In any case, please God (if you are out there) let it happen tonight. I have to get back on this proverbial horse and just get the elephant out of the room. I feel like a reborn virgin again. And this must end. Tonight! Wish me luck!


The tattooed chef

So recently I decided to take Tinder more serious (isn’t that actually a contradiction?) and try to go on some actual dates. Not just ones in my head, but real ones with real people. I find this kind of hard because the guys who write to me disqualify themselves after a couple of texts and then I just get bored.

So then one day this chef writes to me and I feel a spark of interest from the onset. Who would have thought this was still possible? What astonished me the most was that I gave out my number. Willingly! Haven’t done that in years, usually I wait until after the first date.

We messaged back and forth and even after agreeing on an actual date he kept on writing. I like that, I really do. Nothing worse than writing nicely and once a date has been agreed all of a sudden communication stops. I find that weird and most often cancel dates after that. It kind of gives me the feeling that the guy isn’t interested at all.

So the tattooed chef is different and therefore I overlook his spelling errors which are usually a no-go for me. Absolutely kill any buzz. But I like him, I like the way he writes and what he writes and even though I don’t find him sexy on his picture I find that he looks kind. My friend is sure though that I won’t have sex with him. Kind never does the trick for a one-night-stand.

In any case we meet late. It’s Christmas season and always in advent I am busy. Everybody wants to meet, to party or just go for a drink and I only have a Saturday evening available. Since he is a chef he can’t leave before 9pm and we eventually settle on 9:30. Normally I won’t even get off the couch much less out of my jogger. But in this case I do even though it’s my only evening at home.

And he impresses me by being early. Which I love! And even though I am not initially impressed with him I am nervous. Haven’t felt like this in a long time. So we sit in this Gin and Tonic bar and drink one after another. And the more I drink the more interesting he gets. And all of a sudden I find he is not one-night-stand but ‘let’s meet again’ material. Why oh why do I always have to change course? Especially after 7 G&T.

Because the end result was some very intense kissing. Really, really intense and I am glad we haven’t been booked for indecent behavior on the streets. But I went home alone. And wasn’t the mission to just get laid?? I should always focus on my mission, keep that on the forefront of my mind.

I got some more lovely texts the next morning and even a shirtless picture but after that it kind of dried out. I don’t know what exactly happened but something went awry and we lost touch 6 days after our date.

So what happened? It all goes from 100 downhill. And to be honest he was not the kind of guy I would have wanted a relationship to begin with. 14 years younger, really heavily tattooed, a beard and a small pouch at his age already. So what happened to my brain? Did the alcohol turn it all to mush?

And what do I take away from another date gone haywire? Okay maybe not the date, just the aftermath. I like to think that I am back in the game. There are still people out there that I find attractive. Second, I should drink less and keep my eye on the ball. The point is now to get laid. Everything else is secondary. Will keep you posted on how I’m doing.

PS: don’t get it though why I still think about the chef.

The standards of personal hygiene while dating

I am really trying to keep my side of the bargain and go on dates. There is just no way around it if I ever want to meet someone. Probably. I could also hope to meet him in the supermarket or some other obscure place.

But let’s be honest, online dating is a useful tool. And not everyone you meet on Tinder just wants to have sex. At least not right away. Or maybe this is the wrong to way to go about. Maybe I should just look for someone who wants to only have sex and just get it over with. And enjoy it while doing so.

By my rambling you must realize that apparently I don’t even know myself what I want. Do I look for a casual hook up or do I want a long-term relationship? Then Tinder is most likely not the best place to start.

But I should start by hopping in the sack with someone. Let’s look for a hookup.

So the date I had yesterday was totally wrong for that. He, let’s call him “Smelly Cat” in honor of Phoebe on Friends, was totally wrong for that.

First of all we met for lunch. Works for me, cause I don’t always go. So when I do I can take a bit longer. We met at a really yummy place not far from work and kissed hello. Yes, we do that in Europe. It’s not a big deal to do the kissy-kissy on the cheeks.

But holy moly had he bad breath. I almost fainted and not in a good way. And then he wanted to sit next to me instead of across. Which in hindsight was probably better anyway.

Besides this obvious strike against him, he was also too old. Although younger than I by a year, I had the feeling I sat next to a middle-aged man. Which he was, because I am middle-aged too. But I don’t feel like it. And he definitely felt like it. And acted like it.

Plus he didn’t eat lunch. Who suggests a lunch date to then only drink coffee? How weird is that? So I sat there, enjoying a wonderful lunch while he had a cappuccino. No, that really doesn’t work for me. If you meet me for a meal and then don’t eat, that’s it with us. This will never work.

Because of course the halitosis is bad but there is a chance it is curable. Maybe. So basically if I would have fallen in love at first sight I could have …

Maybe let’s not go there. Whatever chances the guy had, they were instantly crushed by the halitosis. Let’s be realistic about this. Everything else is secondary.

Can we talk about the standards of personal hygiene then? Is is too much to ask that you brush your teeth and floss regularly? And also know a dentist whom you see on a regular basis? I thought at this time and age people have already realized that there is a minimum of personal hygiene required when you meet someone for a date. Argh, I can’t even write about it anymore. Just thinking of this smell gives me the shivers again. So please guys, if any of you are even reading that, a toothbrush is not only an accessory in the bathroom! You have to actually use it!

So what have I learned while on this date? Never meet for lunch. Especially not on a weekday. Because then i can’t drink. And some dates require a lot of drinks just to get through them.


Make your vagina happy

“Make your vagina happy!” I had to laugh when I heard these words yesterday. I just had skyped with my friend, listening to her love woes for over 90 minutes but she still found time to leave me with this advice.

When I stopped laughing I noticed that she was right. Something got to change because since two years I am living in a draught. Absolutely freaking dry spell. There was nothing in between except a kissing session. That can’t be healthy.

So I have decided to come up with a game plan to make it rain again in my nether regions. I haven’t taken the pledge (and by the way I am too old for that anyway) so why do I live like that?

It’s not as if I haven’t been active on Tinder. Although I use it mostly to promote my other blog. Still, I have met guys but I just never felt any kind of attraction. And I need a spark before doing the deed.

I also hate it when guys on Tinder already want to close the deal before we have even met. Excuse me? How should I know beforehand if there is even any chemistry. Just because you want to have a “fun date” doesn’t mean that I will be into you.

So I will be adventurous the next couple of months. I promised myself to show sexual prowess. I will keep you posted about what will happen. If you guys have any suggestion of better online sites than Tinder, I would be happy to hear from you.

Update on the first date

I have to say the evening was great. The restaurant was a sure winner, the food delish and the wine perfect. The guy, let’s call him F attentive and funny. So sad to say then that I am just not into him.

He looks exactly like his picture but also 5 years older and at least 20lb heavier. Which is so unfair. Because I sent him a couple of pics from my last vacation (from 2 weeks ago) and when I looked at someone’s fb pictures I assume that they are quite recent. But apparently he either had a sudden weight gain or hasn’t updated his profile pictures in years. What’s the point of not being honest upfront? You cannot cheat on the first impression.

I would still go out with him a second time though. I mean dinner was good and he paid for it. Also he told me that he is well off (who really cares about this? And why are guys still talking about this when they want to be loved for themselves and not for their money?), so I don’t care going out with him again for a nice dinner. And of course the evening was nice and maybe he just deserves a second chance but I don’t have the feeling that this will go anywhere.

Also my ‘fan’ V from my Brazil vacation last year got in touch again. I wrote about him here already. He sends a text every couple of months but the last couple of weeks text rate increased and yesterday he told me he loved me again. Which I find great, if I could take it seriously. But V and I met more than a year ago in a hostel in Brazil where he was working. All in all we talked over the course of three days maybe for an hour (generously counting), nothing happened and no sparks flew from my side. Plus he is still more than 10 years younger. He already confessed he love for me while I was still traveling in Brazil and now he is doing it again. I just don’t get it what’s his plan behind all of this. It’s not as if a booty call is right around the corner.
He is though always asking if he can come and visit me. So maybe he just wants to see my hometown?

So this is my weird life at the moment. I am kind of bored, not so much with myself, I love doing nothing at home, reading my books and watching the odd bit of tv. But I miss the fun stuff and also it’s not healthy to live such a celibate life. So I really, really have to do something. Also I am quite over the online dating stuff. Nothing good has happened there. Will try to formulate a new plan and get back to you.

First date night again

I am excited, at least a bit. Which is a good sign, no? On the other hand that might be too much expectation? Dating is hard, never really mastered the art of dating a couple of people at once, always had a very monogamous approach. So anyway, tonight I have another first date.

I have been on vacation the last couple of days and therefore our meeting had to be postponed. I met him online, how could it be any different, at a dating site I am not really using. This is a pay-for place and I just uploaded a profile. I can’t really use any features and can only write back if a paying member writes to me first. Which is what he did. Didn’t like his profile pic so much but at least he could spell. Nowadays that already counts for something.

We wrote back two, three times and then he asked if I was on Facebook which would facilitate the conversation a lot more. Since he gave me his details first to look him up, I sent the friend request. When I checked out his page I was quite astonished at how he looked. Totally different from his profile pic.
So while on vacation we messaged via fb and now that I am back we talked once for over 2 hours and use what’s app and regular e-mail.

There is one drawback though. Just the day before I left a friend of mine sent me a text asking me who he is. Apparently he sent her a friend request via fb, they have 5 people in common (we only had 1) and he asked her since they are working in the same field to meet for a coffee/drink thing work-related. At least that’s the way he broached the subject of meeting. I told her that we haven’t met so far and where I know him from. Also told her since she is recently divorced that he is a single dad and looking for someone.

In one of the first emails I got from him when I came back he mentioned meeting my friend and that I kind of came up and was like recommended to him…whatever that means. So when I called her to get some details she told me that he said something along the lines that it is usually not his style to send out friend requests via fb to people he doesn’t know. She then told him that she knows me and knows where we met…
She also told me that he is not her type at all (she told me that after the initial fb request already), but that he seems like a nice guy and that they had a good time. And that I should definitely meet him if he is my type.

So I am not really sure what to think about all of this. I honestly find it weird that he befriended a friend of mine and maybe it’s just bad luck for him that we are close. Not all fb friendships are real deals. I am excited about meeting him, actually I am excited about going out at all, but…I don’t know.

Oh yeah my vacation was great but I landed in a resort for families and old couples. So I am very relaxed but met nobody!

Still online dating

Since I already had to go online to my site today I figured it is also time to give an update on my dating status. I haven’t been writing lately not due to the fact that I found my one true love but just the opposite. There is nothing going on in my life.

I have no news from Sepcial K which is disappointing in many ways but especially that I erred in my prediction he would get in touch in March. Interestingly B got in touch via an email from my online dating site. He was the reason why I started this blog in the first place, it got all way too personal on my other blog which my family reads as well. Even my great-uncle and he is 91. Don’t want to give the old man a heart attack. Anyway, his mail just said something like: Funny, I am back after 10 months on this dating site and you are still here. Kind regards, B.

This from a man with whom I shared bodily fluids, great! I got super excited the moment I saw his mail, which means I have not learned anything in the last 10 months. Plus I wrote back right away something like: I am attached to the site and love to stay here (urgh, I think my brain was on a break!). No answer to my mail, of course, and also of course I am starting to obsessively checking his online status. What the f*ck is wrong with me???

My problem is that there is just nobody else out there who distracts me from my obsessions. I was supposed to date quite a cute guy on the weekend. O was a bit heavy on the emoticons though and after a while I had to tell him that sending me hearts and kisses every night, plus spelling out his horniness for me, doesn’t do it for me. Especially when we haven’t even talked so far. Maybe I was a bit harsh to him because he never called. But I just cannot tolerate this weird behavior. I also abhor it when people start to talk about sex before meeting. What’s the point of talking about it? If the chemistry is right, I am all for going ahead. But while still on mailing level it just grosses me out, especially when I am not even sure how they really look like in real life.

I know I sound quite mad today and I can’t stop ranting about all these losers out there when I am the biggest loser. Single since years, happy but sometimes lonely.

Spring is here – I am ready for love!

I noticed that I haven’t written in a long time and you might be wondering what I have been up to. To make it short, not much.

Let’s get it out of the way and start with Special K. I have not heard from him since I came back from the Alps. His answer to my text was all I got from him and since almost 8 weeks nothing else. So when I went running last weekend I have been thinking about this “relationship” we have. I am officially tired about it. There is this quote from Stephen Chbosky’s “The perks of being a wallflower” which says that we accept the love we think we deserve. I deserve more, way more. Because what I am getting with him is nothing. And I know he never promised me anything, but getting nothing is less than I expected.

1271And here we come full circle to the problem of expectations again. I knew there was nothing to gain by seeing him except having a good time while it lasted. And still I was kind of expecting to hear from him As I wrote myself I though he would get in touch in March. Which we have now. By now I am feeling quite disappointed, about him , about myself. Always, always expecting something, hoping for something that will never come to pass. I have to let go, this will not lead to anything. I will just keep on hoping and wasting my time.


While waiting for Special K to get in touch, I went online to see what guys are out there. Is it me or are they just awful? Are my expectations too high? Why? Because I want to meet someone whom I like to look at? Because to my eyes he has to be handsome and to my brain he has to be a clever funny sea-god? Does a person like this even exist? Sure they do. Just not online.

After the “gap-meeting” I dated I guy who was 3 years my senior and already talked about early retirement. Way to go, yeah. Can’t wait to live with him and hear this everyday! I was glad that he invited me to a Greek restaurant. Choose some appetizer mix which included Skordali√° (garlic puree). Had no problem going home alone!

I arranged some other dates but either the places they suggested or the way they were before on the phone made me cancel all of them. But I don’ feel bored or lonely or anything. There is so much to do and spring is here, I think love is in the air. Maybe I just have to breathe it in!

Where does the tongue go?

Ten days ago I had my date with the in the very promising F. Why I haven’t written so long about it? Because it turned out to be absolutely unimportant. We met for dinner at 6pm and he was already waiting. I arrived at the table, he smiled at me and I backed off in to the palm tree right behind me. God, his smile! Could the gap between his incisors have been any larger?
So sorry, I am at my most superficial at the moment, but it might be sexy to see Lauren Hutton with a small little gap in front. But when I see a guy with a large gap I am always wondering why the f*ck he didn’t get braces when he was younger. The first 30 minutes I didn’t even know where to look the whole time. My eyes were magically drawn to the gap between his teeth and I was trying to decide if he was lisping because of it or nonetheless. Also while watching him I imagined what would happen to my tongue while kissing him? Would it inevitable try to sneak in between the gap? So gross, but these were my thoughts. So good that there was not a chance in hell that we would get together.

When I could finally concentrate on what he was saying I noticed that he really liked to talk about himself, a lot! Which is quite difficult to achieve next to me because I tend to talk a lot as well. But he kept going on about how he successful he was in his profession and that he owned three different companies but now got himself employed in one of them because it was better for him tax-wise (I couldn’t follow this argument and I am a financial analyst). He then talked about his new company car that he was getting himself (something big and from Germany) and about his fun car that he would buy himself (a mini convertible). But when he offered to give me a lift to the next metro station, we got into an old and battered Kia.

It also turned out that he was not single since a year but only since 4 months and I got the feeling that his ex left him while he was in the hospital after an accident. Basically he talked about her all the time when taking a break from his amazing success stories.

He of course was very much into me (always to be expected when I am not), sent an email the next day, plus 2 texts and a phone call until I finally got around to answer him that even while I enjoyed our evening together tremendously, I didn’t think that there was any future for us. He took it like a man and wrote back that he can only accept such a charming let down! Haha, that was the best part about him.

In other news about special K there are no news. I haven’t heard from him since he texted back on the day after our weekend which of course is in line with his usual behavior. Still, if I am honest with myself (and I really try to be because what’s the point of lying to myself?), I am disappointed. On the other hand I know that we will not get together ever, we will always just have fun (or not so much at the moment). But is it fun for me when I wait (kind of) for him to get in touch? Hate it, hate it, hate it that I am so depending on him calling or texting. Also I miss having sex. I can go months without it but the moment I start again, I want it all the time. What’s a girl to do? Should I write him and tell him that. Ok, this is really a purely rhetorical question because I would never ever write him that, putting our “relationship” on this kind of level. As long as I am not doing this, we still (could) have something else (and I know I am just lying to myself here, no need to point that out!).

Meanwhile I try to keep myself busy with lots of sport and online dating. But I haven’t met anyone in a while and most guys just seem dumb and uninteresting after a couple of emails. Do I really want to waste my time even meeting them or would I not rather stay home and read a good book? Maybe it’s the weather but I tend to stay home and read a book. Since this is not a solution I will go out with the girls tomorrow, yeah!!!