The standards of personal hygiene while dating

I am really trying to keep my side of the bargain and go on dates. There is just no way around it if I ever want to meet someone. Probably. I could also hope to meet him in the supermarket or some other obscure place.

But let’s be honest, online dating is a useful tool. And not everyone you meet on Tinder just wants to have sex. At least not right away. Or maybe this is the wrong to way to go about. Maybe I should just look for someone who wants to only have sex and just get it over with. And enjoy it while doing so.

By my rambling you must realize that apparently I don’t even know myself what I want. Do I look for a casual hook up or do I want a long-term relationship? Then Tinder is most likely not the best place to start.

But I should start by hopping in the sack with someone. Let’s look for a hookup.

So the date I had yesterday was totally wrong for that. He, let’s call him “Smelly Cat” in honor of Phoebe on Friends, was totally wrong for that.

First of all we met for lunch. Works for me, cause I don’t always go. So when I do I can take a bit longer. We met at a really yummy place not far from work and kissed hello. Yes, we do that in Europe. It’s not a big deal to do the kissy-kissy on the cheeks.

But holy moly had he bad breath. I almost fainted and not in a good way. And then he wanted to sit next to me instead of across. Which in hindsight was probably better anyway.

Besides this obvious strike against him, he was also too old. Although younger than I by a year, I had the feeling I sat next to a middle-aged man. Which he was, because I am middle-aged too. But I don’t feel like it. And he definitely felt like it. And acted like it.

Plus he didn’t eat lunch. Who suggests a lunch date to then only drink coffee? How weird is that? So I sat there, enjoying a wonderful lunch while he had a cappuccino. No, that really doesn’t work for me. If you meet me for a meal and then don’t eat, that’s it with us. This will never work.

Because of course the halitosis is bad but there is a chance it is curable. Maybe. So basically if I would have fallen in love at first sight I could have …

Maybe let’s not go there. Whatever chances the guy had, they were instantly crushed by the halitosis. Let’s be realistic about this. Everything else is secondary.

Can we talk about the standards of personal hygiene then? Is is too much to ask that you brush your teeth and floss regularly? And also know a dentist whom you see on a regular basis? I thought at this time and age people have already realized that there is a minimum of personal hygiene required when you meet someone for a date. Argh, I can’t even write about it anymore. Just thinking of this smell gives me the shivers again. So please guys, if any of you are even reading that, a toothbrush is not only an accessory in the bathroom! You have to actually use it!

So what have I learned while on this date? Never meet for lunch. Especially not on a weekday. Because then i can’t drink. And some dates require a lot of drinks just to get through them.

 

Make your vagina happy

“Make your vagina happy!” I had to laugh when I heard these words yesterday. I just had skyped with my friend, listening to her love woes for over 90 minutes but she still found time to leave me with this advice.

When I stopped laughing I noticed that she was right. Something got to change because since two years I am living in a draught. Absolutely freaking dry spell. There was nothing in between except a kissing session. That can’t be healthy.

So I have decided to come up with a game plan to make it rain again in my nether regions. I haven’t taken the pledge (and by the way I am too old for that anyway) so why do I live like that?

It’s not as if I haven’t been active on Tinder. Although I use it mostly to promote my other blog. Still, I have met guys but I just never felt any kind of attraction. And I need a spark before doing the deed.

I also hate it when guys on Tinder already want to close the deal before we have even met. Excuse me? How should I know beforehand if there is even any chemistry. Just because you want to have a “fun date” doesn’t mean that I will be into you.

So I will be adventurous the next couple of months. I promised myself to show sexual prowess. I will keep you posted about what will happen. If you guys have any suggestion of better online sites than Tinder, I would be happy to hear from you.

Update on the first date

I have to say the evening was great. The restaurant was a sure winner, the food delish and the wine perfect. The guy, let’s call him F attentive and funny. So sad to say then that I am just not into him.

He looks exactly like his picture but also 5 years older and at least 20lb heavier. Which is so unfair. Because I sent him a couple of pics from my last vacation (from 2 weeks ago) and when I looked at someone’s fb pictures I assume that they are quite recent. But apparently he either had a sudden weight gain or hasn’t updated his profile pictures in years. What’s the point of not being honest upfront? You cannot cheat on the first impression.

I would still go out with him a second time though. I mean dinner was good and he paid for it. Also he told me that he is well off (who really cares about this? And why are guys still talking about this when they want to be loved for themselves and not for their money?), so I don’t care going out with him again for a nice dinner. And of course the evening was nice and maybe he just deserves a second chance but I don’t have the feeling that this will go anywhere.

Also my ‘fan’ V from my Brazil vacation last year got in touch again. I wrote about him here already. He sends a text every couple of months but the last couple of weeks text rate increased and yesterday he told me he loved me again. Which I find great, if I could take it seriously. But V and I met more than a year ago in a hostel in Brazil where he was working. All in all we talked over the course of three days maybe for an hour (generously counting), nothing happened and no sparks flew from my side. Plus he is still more than 10 years younger. He already confessed he love for me while I was still traveling in Brazil and now he is doing it again. I just don’t get it what’s his plan behind all of this. It’s not as if a booty call is right around the corner.
He is though always asking if he can come and visit me. So maybe he just wants to see my hometown?

So this is my weird life at the moment. I am kind of bored, not so much with myself, I love doing nothing at home, reading my books and watching the odd bit of tv. But I miss the fun stuff and also it’s not healthy to live such a celibate life. So I really, really have to do something. Also I am quite over the online dating stuff. Nothing good has happened there. Will try to formulate a new plan and get back to you.

First date night again

I am excited, at least a bit. Which is a good sign, no? On the other hand that might be too much expectation? Dating is hard, never really mastered the art of dating a couple of people at once, always had a very monogamous approach. So anyway, tonight I have another first date.

I have been on vacation the last couple of days and therefore our meeting had to be postponed. I met him online, how could it be any different, at a dating site I am not really using. This is a pay-for place and I just uploaded a profile. I can’t really use any features and can only write back if a paying member writes to me first. Which is what he did. Didn’t like his profile pic so much but at least he could spell. Nowadays that already counts for something.

We wrote back two, three times and then he asked if I was on Facebook which would facilitate the conversation a lot more. Since he gave me his details first to look him up, I sent the friend request. When I checked out his page I was quite astonished at how he looked. Totally different from his profile pic.
So while on vacation we messaged via fb and now that I am back we talked once for over 2 hours and use what’s app and regular e-mail.

There is one drawback though. Just the day before I left a friend of mine sent me a text asking me who he is. Apparently he sent her a friend request via fb, they have 5 people in common (we only had 1) and he asked her since they are working in the same field to meet for a coffee/drink thing work-related. At least that’s the way he broached the subject of meeting. I told her that we haven’t met so far and where I know him from. Also told her since she is recently divorced that he is a single dad and looking for someone.

In one of the first emails I got from him when I came back he mentioned meeting my friend and that I kind of came up and was like recommended to him…whatever that means. So when I called her to get some details she told me that he said something along the lines that it is usually not his style to send out friend requests via fb to people he doesn’t know. She then told him that she knows me and knows where we met…
She also told me that he is not her type at all (she told me that after the initial fb request already), but that he seems like a nice guy and that they had a good time. And that I should definitely meet him if he is my type.

So I am not really sure what to think about all of this. I honestly find it weird that he befriended a friend of mine and maybe it’s just bad luck for him that we are close. Not all fb friendships are real deals. I am excited about meeting him, actually I am excited about going out at all, but…I don’t know.

Oh yeah my vacation was great but I landed in a resort for families and old couples. So I am very relaxed but met nobody!

Still online dating

Since I already had to go online to my site today I figured it is also time to give an update on my dating status. I haven’t been writing lately not due to the fact that I found my one true love but just the opposite. There is nothing going on in my life.

I have no news from Sepcial K which is disappointing in many ways but especially that I erred in my prediction he would get in touch in March. Interestingly B got in touch via an email from my online dating site. He was the reason why I started this blog in the first place, it got all way too personal on my other blog which my family reads as well. Even my great-uncle and he is 91. Don’t want to give the old man a heart attack. Anyway, his mail just said something like: Funny, I am back after 10 months on this dating site and you are still here. Kind regards, B.

This from a man with whom I shared bodily fluids, great! I got super excited the moment I saw his mail, which means I have not learned anything in the last 10 months. Plus I wrote back right away something like: I am attached to the site and love to stay here (urgh, I think my brain was on a break!). No answer to my mail, of course, and also of course I am starting to obsessively checking his online status. What the f*ck is wrong with me???

My problem is that there is just nobody else out there who distracts me from my obsessions. I was supposed to date quite a cute guy on the weekend. O was a bit heavy on the emoticons though and after a while I had to tell him that sending me hearts and kisses every night, plus spelling out his horniness for me, doesn’t do it for me. Especially when we haven’t even talked so far. Maybe I was a bit harsh to him because he never called. But I just cannot tolerate this weird behavior. I also abhor it when people start to talk about sex before meeting. What’s the point of talking about it? If the chemistry is right, I am all for going ahead. But while still on mailing level it just grosses me out, especially when I am not even sure how they really look like in real life.

I know I sound quite mad today and I can’t stop ranting about all these losers out there when I am the biggest loser. Single since years, happy but sometimes lonely.

Spring is here – I am ready for love!

I noticed that I haven’t written in a long time and you might be wondering what I have been up to. To make it short, not much.

Let’s get it out of the way and start with Special K. I have not heard from him since I came back from the Alps. His answer to my text was all I got from him and since almost 8 weeks nothing else. So when I went running last weekend I have been thinking about this “relationship” we have. I am officially tired about it. There is this quote from Stephen Chbosky’s “The perks of being a wallflower” which says that we accept the love we think we deserve. I deserve more, way more. Because what I am getting with him is nothing. And I know he never promised me anything, but getting nothing is less than I expected.

1271And here we come full circle to the problem of expectations again. I knew there was nothing to gain by seeing him except having a good time while it lasted. And still I was kind of expecting to hear from him As I wrote myself I though he would get in touch in March. Which we have now. By now I am feeling quite disappointed, about him , about myself. Always, always expecting something, hoping for something that will never come to pass. I have to let go, this will not lead to anything. I will just keep on hoping and wasting my time.

 

While waiting for Special K to get in touch, I went online to see what guys are out there. Is it me or are they just awful? Are my expectations too high? Why? Because I want to meet someone whom I like to look at? Because to my eyes he has to be handsome and to my brain he has to be a clever funny sea-god? Does a person like this even exist? Sure they do. Just not online.

After the “gap-meeting” I dated I guy who was 3 years my senior and already talked about early retirement. Way to go, yeah. Can’t wait to live with him and hear this everyday! I was glad that he invited me to a Greek restaurant. Choose some appetizer mix which included Skordali√° (garlic puree). Had no problem going home alone!

I arranged some other dates but either the places they suggested or the way they were before on the phone made me cancel all of them. But I don’ feel bored or lonely or anything. There is so much to do and spring is here, I think love is in the air. Maybe I just have to breathe it in!

Where does the tongue go?

Ten days ago I had my date with the in the very promising F. Why I haven’t written so long about it? Because it turned out to be absolutely unimportant. We met for dinner at 6pm and he was already waiting. I arrived at the table, he smiled at me and I backed off in to the palm tree right behind me. God, his smile! Could the gap between his incisors have been any larger?
So sorry, I am at my most superficial at the moment, but it might be sexy to see Lauren Hutton with a small little gap in front. But when I see a guy with a large gap I am always wondering why the f*ck he didn’t get braces when he was younger. The first 30 minutes I didn’t even know where to look the whole time. My eyes were magically drawn to the gap between his teeth and I was trying to decide if he was lisping because of it or nonetheless. Also while watching him I imagined what would happen to my tongue while kissing him? Would it inevitable try to sneak in between the gap? So gross, but these were my thoughts. So good that there was not a chance in hell that we would get together.

When I could finally concentrate on what he was saying I noticed that he really liked to talk about himself, a lot! Which is quite difficult to achieve next to me because I tend to talk a lot as well. But he kept going on about how he successful he was in his profession and that he owned three different companies but now got himself employed in one of them because it was better for him tax-wise (I couldn’t follow this argument and I am a financial analyst). He then talked about his new company car that he was getting himself (something big and from Germany) and about his fun car that he would buy himself (a mini convertible). But when he offered to give me a lift to the next metro station, we got into an old and battered Kia.

It also turned out that he was not single since a year but only since 4 months and I got the feeling that his ex left him while he was in the hospital after an accident. Basically he talked about her all the time when taking a break from his amazing success stories.

He of course was very much into me (always to be expected when I am not), sent an email the next day, plus 2 texts and a phone call until I finally got around to answer him that even while I enjoyed our evening together tremendously, I didn’t think that there was any future for us. He took it like a man and wrote back that he can only accept such a charming let down! Haha, that was the best part about him.

In other news about special K there are no news. I haven’t heard from him since he texted back on the day after our weekend which of course is in line with his usual behavior. Still, if I am honest with myself (and I really try to be because what’s the point of lying to myself?), I am disappointed. On the other hand I know that we will not get together ever, we will always just have fun (or not so much at the moment). But is it fun for me when I wait (kind of) for him to get in touch? Hate it, hate it, hate it that I am so depending on him calling or texting. Also I miss having sex. I can go months without it but the moment I start again, I want it all the time. What’s a girl to do? Should I write him and tell him that. Ok, this is really a purely rhetorical question because I would never ever write him that, putting our “relationship” on this kind of level. As long as I am not doing this, we still (could) have something else (and I know I am just lying to myself here, no need to point that out!).

Meanwhile I try to keep myself busy with lots of sport and online dating. But I haven’t met anyone in a while and most guys just seem dumb and uninteresting after a couple of emails. Do I really want to waste my time even meeting them or would I not rather stay home and read a good book? Maybe it’s the weather but I tend to stay home and read a book. Since this is not a solution I will go out with the girls tomorrow, yeah!!!

Movie weekend in the mountains

I came back last night from my weekend with K and what can I tell you… we will definitely never be a couple but I had the most amazing time with him!

He picked me up from the train station and like in a movie he was waiting for me right in front of my exit. Not five minutes after arriving at his place there was no stopping us. We made for his bed (a single bed!) right away. After we got that out of our system we started to get acquainted again. That sounds actually weirder than it was. It’s just that we never before spent so much time together. So it was kind of fun to pick each other’s brain and get to know each other again. He had cooked dinner for me and the food was amazing. I really don’t say this lightly because I am a very picky eater in the sense that I can cook really well myself and I hate everything that is done with ready-made ingredients. I can literally taste all the convenience food right away and hate it when I get it served under the pretense of home-made food. He clearly knows what he is doing in the kitchen and later told me that he had learned it from his mother.

After dinner we basically went back to bed (in lieu of a couch), started a movie and had to restart the movie again an hour later. I don’t know how we made it through the night in his small bed but we did and I actually found some sleep.
The next morning he had to go to work while I spent my morning going for coffee and sitting in the sun (which felt great after all the dreary days back home). Once he was back from work though, it was back to bed again. And there we stayed until we went out for dinner.

Sunday he had to work all day, so I decided to hit the local spa. Stayed for hours in the wellness area with 3 kinds of saunas, steam rooms and jacuzzi. Loved it and when I went back to his place at 7pm he had already made dinner again. The evening was quite different from the other two because we shared two bottles of wine, plus had a cocktail each. It ended with us trashing his bed, relocating to the floor for a while and then repairing it before going to sleep. Hilarius! I think this hasn’t happened to me since university or so.

Monday morning we finally had for us and we used it to the max. He had gone shopping the night before and bought everything for a delicious breakfast. So we only got out of bed for a bit of nourishment and the rest of time we spent in it. Anyway I had to leave around 3pm to make it back home in the evening.

So what can I say after this long weekend together? I really like him a lot, we have a lot in common also but also a lot of differences. I don’t think I would be happy in a relationship with him while on the other hand I probably want one anyway. So I have to be really careful not to get too deeply involved in this because it will not end well. The funny thing is that we spoke about how it ‘ended’ between us 4 years ago. We had this conversation where I told him I wanted more and he said he couldn’t give me more and then all melodramatic cow that I am, I told him that I will stay the night but that was that. And apparently it was. K told me that he was quite astonished that I never got in touch again. I checked my mails with him a while back and it’s true. I was never the one who instigated our contact.

So what’s a girl to do? I get it that he likes to spend time with me but for sure he is not in love. And while I can say the same for me at the moment, I can also say that I see myself easily falling in love with him if he lets me. Which he will not, he is kind of making sure of it that this will not happen. It was interesting to see from a sociological point of view (not from a personal perspective) how he distanced himself emotionally on Monday. I could almost watch the gap widen between us.
But when I sent him a text this morning that while I enjoyed my king size bed, I missed him nonetheless and that I had a good time with him; he wrote back that he enjoyed it too and then almost in an afterthought as if he had just realized it himself ‘yes, I had a great time’. Interesting, no?

So, I told him that if he will invite me again, I am not averse to come again (pun intended). Let’s see when I will get asked again. I bet you it will not be before March. A guy needs his space after all.

Talking about a different guy, F sent a text on Saturday. Asking me how the skiing went and that I should be careful as not to hurt myself. Very thoughtful. He sent another text last night with the details of the restaurant he wants to take me to and the time we are meeting. I like that he is taking charge of things and also his choice of restaurant. It’s a really good place but also not overly fancy. So tomorrow is the big day with F. Will let you know how it went.

Where will this end?

This afternoon I will be leaving for the mountains to see K. I still don’t know if this a brilliant or the worst idea I ever had.

K by the way sent a text last Thursday (which I read Friday morning) telling me that he was thinking about me. Already this happening made me realize how different our affair is this time to whatever we had four years ago. Then a text with a wording like this would never have happened. Now to make matters worse (or even better depending on how you look at it) I got an email from him that same Friday in which he explained in detail how much time he has, how he wants to spoil me and despoil me (that in not so graphic detail but leaving room for thought) and how I can spend my time while he works. And to make matters totally complicated and bring my feelings into a complete turmoil, he called Sunday night! I saw his missed call shortly before I went to my gym class and then later tried to call him back. But all the while during the class I thought about what he wanted, imagining all kinds of scenarios like him cancelling etc. And you know what he wanted when he called back? He just wanted to know how I was doing…

I cannot believe this is happening. Everything is different and he is just a lot nicer than I am used to. So I will try to relax and have no expectations. Still don’t know how to do this but will do my best this weekend. Also packed two books, just in case.

I have as well some online dating news. I am now in touch with F. He is not my usual kind of guy, he is a lot smaller than I like them and also a bit older than me. But he also still has a full set of hair (at least on his picture), and everything else about him just fits with what I want in a man. On the phone he is funny, attentive and has the right kind of accent.
Regarding accent: Do you have that in English too? That when you listen to someone’s voice you know exactly where he is coming from? What kind of background, education and ‘class’ he is coming from? And quite often when I talk to someone, it ends right there on the phone because I just know that we don’t match. OMG, I am really superficial…

Anyway, let’s get back to F. He already asked me out on our first phone call. He wants to go for dinner at a nice place. Let’s see what he means by that. We had already agreed on day, but I told him I would love to talk to him before that because it’s only next Wednesday and it’s always kind of weird when you have a date in 10 days and then don’t talk to the other person again. Since he had to travel outside of the country and I am going skiing this weekend, we agreed on next week. He really sent another email, asking me when I would be home to talk to him and then on Wednesday this week he called and we talked for about 2 hours. Not too bad.

I am starting now to get a bit nervous about my weekend with K (am leaving in less than 5 hours). Will keep you posted about everything.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

I have been very successful with my new picture in the online profile. My only problem is that I haven’t met anyone so far. I am mailing and talking to two guys in another province (along with quite a lot others). Both seem cute if not overly bright. But I don’t want to ask for to much in the beginning.

The younger of these two was actually in town over Christmas and but then called me on his last day here to meet. Sorry, could and would not meet him then. Really should have a made a bit more of an effort.
The second one was supposed to come today to attend a birthday party and then meet me tomorrow. Now he canceled because he got sick. And after yesterdays texts I am not unhappy about it.

Why is it that guys always start to talk about sex after a while? What is the point talking about it when one hasn’t actually met and chances are slim that there is any chemistry? And even if, where does it say that I would shag them right away? I really, really hate that and I usually end all communication when it gets to this point. I rather not talk about it but do it instead with someone I like.

On Christmas Eve I got a surprise call from Special K. He was back in town for a night to spend the evening with his family. I was so surprised that I even forgot to ask if there was any chance that we could meet. So when I called back 10 minutes later (why oh why do I have the greater need and have to ask for it???) I only got his voicemail of course. I left a message to ask if he wanted to get together later but had only a slim hope to hear from him. And of course I didn’t. But still I was duly impressed to have heard from him at all. This is so unlike him to just call and wish me ‘Merry Christmas’. I could almost get the impression he likes me a lot more than he lets on.

New Years Eve came and I had already decided beforehand to give K a call. I mean he called at Christmas so the least I could do was show him the same courtesy. So I call, get now answer and decide this time to write a text instead of leaving a message. Two minutes later his reply comes wishing me all the best as well but also asking me if I don’t want to come to see him. So I call again to hear his invitation in person and again no answer. I write another text that it’s a shame that I couldn’t hear this exciting invitation in person and that I will try to come in January.

Five minutes later he called. We talked for a bit about when I could come and how long I would stay and so on. Since it is a 5 hour train ride I told him I would like to come on a Friday evening and stay until Monday afternoon. He also works on the weekend and it is easier for him to get a weekday off. Which leaves us with one morning to spend as we want (besides all evening and nights). I was not sure about the three days but he assures me that it is not too long for him. Imagine my excitement after this call.

On the way to my friend’s place for New Year’s Eve I got a text from a number I didn’t recognize. It turned out to be a text from Big K. I have not heard from this guy for 2 month and now all of a sudden he sends a text to wish me all the best for 2014 and then asking me to eventually meet him after January 15. So I write back to wish him all the best as well but telling him that I don’t really get his reference to this eventual date in January. To which he replies: Don’t you want to meet again? I almost fell of my seat laughing so hard. Had to write back ‘No, whatever for?’. What’s it with these guys??? And I don’t even want to start talking about all the weirdos who contacted me over Christmas to spend the evening with them. All these sad and lonely guys. Don’t they have any friends or family?

But let’s get to the good part about New Year’s Eve. When I wake up the next morning I had a text from special K from 3:30 in the morning, telling me that he just got home and wishing me a happy new year. Including a kiss. Texted back that I wished him the same that I was still in bed returning his kiss. When I woke up an hour later I had another text telling me that he would love to be right next to me to sleep with me. To which I replied that I was looking forward to our weekend and that he could show me that then in detail. And that I would definitely try to already come on Friday evening. And then he texts back that I also have to ‘come’ in the morning and that he just starts to imagine it all and if I am naked? Which I found super unfair because I was still at my friend’s place and already up at this time and it was definitely not the right moment to start sexting.

I told him that I couldn’t think about this right now because we would not see each other for another three weeks. And then hours later he sends another text that he is still daydreaming about having sex with me. And that he is at his work and can’t stop thinking about it all and that he would have sex with me this evening in his bed. Which was super weird for me because he never wrote or said anything like it before and I was still at my friend’s place. So definitely no privacy anywhere. I wrote back that he has to stop with it right now but that I already know what to do to him the moment I see him. I really hope that kickstarted his phantasy.

Anyway I booked my train ticket yesterday and will see him in exactly 2 weeks. He already promised me that he wants to sleep with me often and that he will try to take also one more day off. Now this sounds promising.

So now I am all excited and don’t want to meet any of the online guys. Which is totally unhealthy because as we all know whatever Special K and I have will not lead to anything at all. It only works as long as I can go along with the ‘none thing’ we have. I therefore made an effort last night, dressed up and went out with my friends. And totally met an interesting guy who didn’t ask for my number! Really, really hate that. He is the friend of a friend of mine which I haven’t seen in years. I talked first to my friend and then later introduced myself to A. While I talked to him I noticed how cute he looked and that he a super nice smile. And he was laid back, wearing jeans and a t-shirt, but was already a professor at university while looking himself still like a student. Exactly the kind of guy I like! And he is single because he had told my girlfriend just moments before. So now I am starting to wonder how I can see him again. Exactly the right frame of mind in which to see Special K again!