getting back into the game

The standards of personal hygiene while dating

I am really trying to keep my side of the bargain and go on dates. There is just no way around it if I ever want to meet someone. Probably. I could also hope to meet him in the supermarket or some other obscure place.

But let’s be honest, online dating is a useful tool. And not everyone you meet on Tinder just wants to have sex. At least not right away. Or maybe this is the wrong to way to go about. Maybe I should just look for someone who wants to only have sex and just get it over with. And enjoy it while doing so.

By my rambling you must realize that apparently I don’t even know myself what I want. Do I look for a casual hook up or do I want a long-term relationship? Then Tinder is most likely not the best place to start.

But I should start by hopping in the sack with someone. Let’s look for a hookup.

So the date I had yesterday was totally wrong for that. He, let’s call him “Smelly Cat” in honor of Phoebe on Friends, was totally wrong for that.

First of all we met for lunch. Works for me, cause I don’t always go. So when I do I can take a bit longer. We met at a really yummy place not far from work and kissed hello. Yes, we do that in Europe. It’s not a big deal to do the kissy-kissy on the cheeks.

But holy moly had he bad breath. I almost fainted and not in a good way. And then he wanted to sit next to me instead of across. Which in hindsight was probably better anyway.

Besides this obvious strike against him, he was also too old. Although younger than I by a year, I had the feeling I sat next to a middle-aged man. Which he was, because I am middle-aged too. But I don’t feel like it. And he definitely felt like it. And acted like it.

Plus he didn’t eat lunch. Who suggests a lunch date to then only drink coffee? How weird is that? So I sat there, enjoying a wonderful lunch while he had a cappuccino. No, that really doesn’t work for me. If you meet me for a meal and then don’t eat, that’s it with us. This will never work.

Because of course the halitosis is bad but there is a chance it is curable. Maybe. So basically if I would have fallen in love at first sight I could have …

Maybe let’s not go there. Whatever chances the guy had, they were instantly crushed by the halitosis. Let’s be realistic about this. Everything else is secondary.

Can we talk about the standards of personal hygiene then? Is is too much to ask that you brush your teeth and floss regularly? And also know a dentist whom you see on a regular basis? I thought at this time and age people have already realized that there is a minimum of personal hygiene required when you meet someone for a date. Argh, I can’t even write about it anymore. Just thinking of this smell gives me the shivers again. So please guys, if any of you are even reading that, a toothbrush is not only an accessory in the bathroom! You have to actually use it!

So what have I learned while on this date? Never meet for lunch. Especially not on a weekday. Because then i can’t drink. And some dates require a lot of drinks just to get through them.

 

The standards of dating

This is not a Tinder story, but it definitely could be. Last weekend I was invited to a party. More like an event than a party at my age.

The evening started with dinner and since we were many, the hosts had drawn a seating chart. In front of the chart stood the chef of the restaurant. Young, cute and quite the charmer.

I batted my eyes a bit and hoped for the best. And it worked! He noticed me and we started some chitchat. Of course during dinner there was no chance to see him. When it was time for dessert it was him who handed it out.

By then I was hopelessly “smitten”; you won’t believe how good the food was which added immensely to his sex appeal. While drinking shots with the other guest I kept up eye contact from time to time. I really thought I was one smooth cougar.

But then I heard that he has a girlfriend. Ugh, of course. How could it be otherwise. I gave up on any idea and left early with friends to hit the designated party spot. We advanced to Gin&Tonic which always helps to drown sorrow.

Oh, but what a joy! About an hour later the chef walks in and after drinking some more makes a beeline straight to me. Hah, I still have what it takes apparently. Will write that down in my book.

Too bad that he was drunk as a skunk by then. So was not really that much of a compliment. He did ask my age though and didn’t run away, which I liked. But that could have also been the amount of alcohol.

He kept coming on to ask me to go for a drink. Wasn’t sure what he meant with “let’s go to the back of the bar” since we were already in the back of the bar. But then I caught a fleeting glance of a very young, blond girl who tried to kill me with its menace. And I knew exactly what I had to do.

I whispered softly in his ear that this is just not my style and neither should it be his. Turned around and ordered another Gin&Tonic with my friends. Very happy though that the 14 years difference didn’t faze him.

PS: do you think my standards are too high? Shouldn’t I just think about what makes me happy? Is it okay to find it weird that a guy wants to make out although his gf is right behind him? What has changed in the last couple of years that this apparently is okay behavior?

Make your vagina happy

“Make your vagina happy!” I had to laugh when I heard these words yesterday. I just had skyped with my friend, listening to her love woes for over 90 minutes but she still found time to leave me with this advice.

When I stopped laughing I noticed that she was right. Something got to change because since two years I am living in a draught. Absolutely freaking dry spell. There was nothing in between except a kissing session. That can’t be healthy.

So I have decided to come up with a game plan to make it rain again in my nether regions. I haven’t taken the pledge (and by the way I am too old for that anyway) so why do I live like that?

It’s not as if I haven’t been active on Tinder. Although I use it mostly to promote my other blog. Still, I have met guys but I just never felt any kind of attraction. And I need a spark before doing the deed.

I also hate it when guys on Tinder already want to close the deal before we have even met. Excuse me? How should I know beforehand if there is even any chemistry. Just because you want to have a “fun date” doesn’t mean that I will be into you.

So I will be adventurous the next couple of months. I promised myself to show sexual prowess. I will keep you posted about what will happen. If you guys have any suggestion of better online sites than Tinder, I would be happy to hear from you.