Sushi night with the tattooed chef

Let’s start with the good news: I finally did it! I almost can’t believe it myself if I weren’t there. But it’s true, it happened and I came. What more does a girl want?

A lot actually as I noticed. We started off on the right foot with fantastic sushi that the chef hand-delivered and a bottle of wine. When we were both full we moved to the couch. Always something I abhor, sex on a full stomach. But there was still foreplay to be had in form of some small talk.

When we exhausted that he moved in to kiss me while exposing my breasts at the same time. Quite a move I have to say. Plus he started kissing my neck using his teeth to do so. So nice of him to mention that if it was too rough I should just let him know. Maybe easier to start out slow and not go for the neck biting first. I was wondering if you took his clues from watching ‘Twilight‘.

Because he must have watched some kind films to come up with his moves. Once inside the bedroom I was sitting on the bed, naked already, while he got undressed in front of me. The moment his underwear was off he pushed his dick in my mouth and forced my head down. So fast he didn’t see it coming I slapped his hand away and told him if he values his dick he better abstain from such a move. What’s up with the young people of this world? Where have they learned that this is standard behavior in the bedroom on your first night? From online porn movies?

At least he went down and did a good job. Wherever he got his moves from, this one worked. But later while I got a condom from my drawer he came up behind me and asked about anal. Can’t we just start with the real deal first before going into overdrive?

Also what’s up with socks? Is it too much to ask that you remove them? Besides the socks, which I insisted to come off, I was not allowed to touch either his hair or his beard. As good as the sex was, and it was well worth it, I was kind of put off by the rest. Maybe I was just too long out of the game and this is all okay? Or maybe he was just a douche?

We will never know because he walked out my door, we exchanged texts for the next two days and then he was never heard of again. One of my friends had the theory it’s because I did a before and after pic with him. She thinks that’s too much of coupledom for some dudes. Possible! But you know what, I only care a little. I had a good time with him, and I really appreciated the sex. OMG, it was good (or I was just hungry for it) but whatever it was, it helped! I felt amazing after.

So what do I take away from this? Next time don’t wait that long!

Second date with tatooed chef

You won’t believe it because I almost don’t, but the chef is back in my life. It’s so easy to forget about everything and throw my principles (do I even have any?) overboard.

I got back from vacation and the very next day I got a “happy new year” text from him. So now we are back on after texting back and forth the better part of the last two weeks. We even exchanged a couple of pictures (not what you think) and the more I see of him the less I find him sexy. That was already the problem before seeing him the first time. He definitely scores in the personality department. But he f*cked that up over Christmas.

So now I find myself confused. On the one hand I just want to do the deed. I have been talking about it so long it is really time to take the plunge and go for it. On the other hand I like him, but maybe only as a what’s app lover? Or should I just shut up and see what the evening brings?

These voices in my head get louder and louder and I know I am stupid because this is a second date that will, except if something goes super wrong, turn into my long-wished for sexual re-awakening. And I need that. My body needs that. And also my mental health! So maybe I should just drink a bit, get stimulated on sushi that he brings over (from the best place in town!) and go for it.

I loved what my friend told me yesterday. To relax because he should be the one to be nervous. I am the mature and experienced older woman with lots of lovers (okay, so maybe not lots but age appropriate) and I know what I want. Which is true. I do know what I want most of the times. I just don’t understand why I always get so insecure. And hung up on little details. And so dependent on the kindness of some guy. Arghh!

In any case, please God (if you are out there) let it happen tonight. I have to get back on this proverbial horse and just get the elephant out of the room. I feel like a reborn virgin again. And this must end. Tonight! Wish me luck!


The tattooed chef

So recently I decided to take Tinder more serious (isn’t that actually a contradiction?) and try to go on some actual dates. Not just ones in my head, but real ones with real people. I find this kind of hard because the guys who write to me disqualify themselves after a couple of texts and then I just get bored.

So then one day this chef writes to me and I feel a spark of interest from the onset. Who would have thought this was still possible? What astonished me the most was that I gave out my number. Willingly! Haven’t done that in years, usually I wait until after the first date.

We messaged back and forth and even after agreeing on an actual date he kept on writing. I like that, I really do. Nothing worse than writing nicely and once a date has been agreed all of a sudden communication stops. I find that weird and most often cancel dates after that. It kind of gives me the feeling that the guy isn’t interested at all.

So the tattooed chef is different and therefore I overlook his spelling errors which are usually a no-go for me. Absolutely kill any buzz. But I like him, I like the way he writes and what he writes and even though I don’t find him sexy on his picture I find that he looks kind. My friend is sure though that I won’t have sex with him. Kind never does the trick for a one-night-stand.

In any case we meet late. It’s Christmas season and always in advent I am busy. Everybody wants to meet, to party or just go for a drink and I only have a Saturday evening available. Since he is a chef he can’t leave before 9pm and we eventually settle on 9:30. Normally I won’t even get off the couch much less out of my jogger. But in this case I do even though it’s my only evening at home.

And he impresses me by being early. Which I love! And even though I am not initially impressed with him I am nervous. Haven’t felt like this in a long time. So we sit in this Gin and Tonic bar and drink one after another. And the more I drink the more interesting he gets. And all of a sudden I find he is not one-night-stand but ‘let’s meet again’ material. Why oh why do I always have to change course? Especially after 7 G&T.

Because the end result was some very intense kissing. Really, really intense and I am glad we haven’t been booked for indecent behavior on the streets. But I went home alone. And wasn’t the mission to just get laid?? I should always focus on my mission, keep that on the forefront of my mind.

I got some more lovely texts the next morning and even a shirtless picture but after that it kind of dried out. I don’t know what exactly happened but something went awry and we lost touch 6 days after our date.

So what happened? It all goes from 100 downhill. And to be honest he was not the kind of guy I would have wanted a relationship to begin with. 14 years younger, really heavily tattooed, a beard and a small pouch at his age already. So what happened to my brain? Did the alcohol turn it all to mush?

And what do I take away from another date gone haywire? Okay maybe not the date, just the aftermath. I like to think that I am back in the game. There are still people out there that I find attractive. Second, I should drink less and keep my eye on the ball. The point is now to get laid. Everything else is secondary. Will keep you posted on how I’m doing.

PS: don’t get it though why I still think about the chef.

The standards of personal hygiene while dating

I am really trying to keep my side of the bargain and go on dates. There is just no way around it if I ever want to meet someone. Probably. I could also hope to meet him in the supermarket or some other obscure place.

But let’s be honest, online dating is a useful tool. And not everyone you meet on Tinder just wants to have sex. At least not right away. Or maybe this is the wrong to way to go about. Maybe I should just look for someone who wants to only have sex and just get it over with. And enjoy it while doing so.

By my rambling you must realize that apparently I don’t even know myself what I want. Do I look for a casual hook up or do I want a long-term relationship? Then Tinder is most likely not the best place to start.

But I should start by hopping in the sack with someone. Let’s look for a hookup.

So the date I had yesterday was totally wrong for that. He, let’s call him “Smelly Cat” in honor of Phoebe on Friends, was totally wrong for that.

First of all we met for lunch. Works for me, cause I don’t always go. So when I do I can take a bit longer. We met at a really yummy place not far from work and kissed hello. Yes, we do that in Europe. It’s not a big deal to do the kissy-kissy on the cheeks.

But holy moly had he bad breath. I almost fainted and not in a good way. And then he wanted to sit next to me instead of across. Which in hindsight was probably better anyway.

Besides this obvious strike against him, he was also too old. Although younger than I by a year, I had the feeling I sat next to a middle-aged man. Which he was, because I am middle-aged too. But I don’t feel like it. And he definitely felt like it. And acted like it.

Plus he didn’t eat lunch. Who suggests a lunch date to then only drink coffee? How weird is that? So I sat there, enjoying a wonderful lunch while he had a cappuccino. No, that really doesn’t work for me. If you meet me for a meal and then don’t eat, that’s it with us. This will never work.

Because of course the halitosis is bad but there is a chance it is curable. Maybe. So basically if I would have fallen in love at first sight I could have …

Maybe let’s not go there. Whatever chances the guy had, they were instantly crushed by the halitosis. Let’s be realistic about this. Everything else is secondary.

Can we talk about the standards of personal hygiene then? Is is too much to ask that you brush your teeth and floss regularly? And also know a dentist whom you see on a regular basis? I thought at this time and age people have already realized that there is a minimum of personal hygiene required when you meet someone for a date. Argh, I can’t even write about it anymore. Just thinking of this smell gives me the shivers again. So please guys, if any of you are even reading that, a toothbrush is not only an accessory in the bathroom! You have to actually use it!

So what have I learned while on this date? Never meet for lunch. Especially not on a weekday. Because then i can’t drink. And some dates require a lot of drinks just to get through them.


The standards of dating

This is not a Tinder story, but it definitely could be. Last weekend I was invited to a party. More like an event than a party at my age.

The evening started with dinner and since we were many, the hosts had drawn a seating chart. In front of the chart stood the chef of the restaurant. Young, cute and quite the charmer.

I batted my eyes a bit and hoped for the best. And it worked! He noticed me and we started some chitchat. Of course during dinner there was no chance to see him. When it was time for dessert it was him who handed it out.

By then I was hopelessly “smitten”; you won’t believe how good the food was which added immensely to his sex appeal. While drinking shots with the other guest I kept up eye contact from time to time. I really thought I was one smooth cougar.

But then I heard that he has a girlfriend. Ugh, of course. How could it be otherwise. I gave up on any idea and left early with friends to hit the designated party spot. We advanced to Gin&Tonic which always helps to drown sorrow.

Oh, but what a joy! About an hour later the chef walks in and after drinking some more makes a beeline straight to me. Hah, I still have what it takes apparently. Will write that down in my book.

Too bad that he was drunk as a skunk by then. So was not really that much of a compliment. He did ask my age though and didn’t run away, which I liked. But that could have also been the amount of alcohol.

He kept coming on to ask me to go for a drink. Wasn’t sure what he meant with “let’s go to the back of the bar” since we were already in the back of the bar. But then I caught a fleeting glance of a very young, blond girl who tried to kill me with its menace. And I knew exactly what I had to do.

I whispered softly in his ear that this is just not my style and neither should it be his. Turned around and ordered another Gin&Tonic with my friends. Very happy though that the 14 years difference didn’t faze him.

PS: do you think my standards are too high? Shouldn’t I just think about what makes me happy? Is it okay to find it weird that a guy wants to make out although his gf is right behind him? What has changed in the last couple of years that this apparently is okay behavior?

Make your vagina happy

“Make your vagina happy!” I had to laugh when I heard these words yesterday. I just had skyped with my friend, listening to her love woes for over 90 minutes but she still found time to leave me with this advice.

When I stopped laughing I noticed that she was right. Something got to change because since two years I am living in a draught. Absolutely freaking dry spell. There was nothing in between except a kissing session. That can’t be healthy.

So I have decided to come up with a game plan to make it rain again in my nether regions. I haven’t taken the pledge (and by the way I am too old for that anyway) so why do I live like that?

It’s not as if I haven’t been active on Tinder. Although I use it mostly to promote my other blog. Still, I have met guys but I just never felt any kind of attraction. And I need a spark before doing the deed.

I also hate it when guys on Tinder already want to close the deal before we have even met. Excuse me? How should I know beforehand if there is even any chemistry. Just because you want to have a “fun date” doesn’t mean that I will be into you.

So I will be adventurous the next couple of months. I promised myself to show sexual prowess. I will keep you posted about what will happen. If you guys have any suggestion of better online sites than Tinder, I would be happy to hear from you.

The night is not for sleeping

Of course there was not a chance that I could sleep during this night. First of all I can never sleep next to someone I don’t know, especially if this someone is a guy and holding me in his arms. The heat alone keeps me awake. And then of course Aussie had only started with his administrations to my body.

Since we had used all protection I really thought this was it for the night. But young guys are young for a reason and they have a lot more stamina than older ones (yeah, way to go). So what felt like an hour but was probably just a couple of minutes later he was already in the mood again. However now we faced the problem that there was nothing available anymore and it was in the middle of the night. But guess what?

He told me he would check something and get back asap. I thought this was going to be it and tried to get some sleep while he was gone. Surely nothing on this island would be open and anyway I was all the way at the end of the beach. But not even ten minutes later Aussie was back in the room. He had given the night security a big tip and the guy gave him a lift to the next 7-eleven store where he bought everything from condoms to lube.

First I was insulted that he had bought some lube but when he explained that he didn’t want to hurt me I found it charming. And anyway I really needed it because I would not have made it through the night without the added layer of lubrication. I still don’t know if this is an age issue or not. Or maybe it’s just me?

As it turned out Aussie was quite provident. We need it his purchase again in the morning. By then I was sure I would never walk again and was more than grateful for the lube.  What a hunk!

Let’s go to sleep

We rushed from the pool to the bungalow and landed immediately on the bed after a perfunctorily towel using. The AC had been on full blast before so that when we checked the room first we had to increase the heat and wait out the warming of the room in the pool. As much as we had the hots for each other we both didn’t want to freeze to death while doing it.

So when we could finally use the room we towel dried each other only superficially and moved right away to the bed. Oh heaven, it was perfect. There had been nobody since Special K and this had already been a while ago. And although I was afraid that it wouldn’t be good the first time, there was no reason for it. I might have been a bit unprepared in all possible ways and we were both in such a hurry to do the deed to not make time for me to be fully in slick mode.

Still, it was perfect the first time around and I was more than happy to use one of my two condoms that I had brought with me on this trip! Afterwards we were so sweaty that we took another dip in the pool (gross, I know) and when we came back to the bungalow we took more time to enjoy each other. By then it was obvious for both of us that even though I was totally hot for Aussie, my body was not showing the right signs.

Is that an age thing? If you haven’t done it in a long time, can you really dry up? Is it therefore necessary to always do it and if nobody is at hands then do it myself?

Questions over questions but while the second time was as good as the first I felt a bit raw already and not just because my body was not reacting the way it’s supposed to but also because Aussie was a hunk. Something I never ever thought I would complain about but in this situation a little bit smaller would have gone a long way.

At least after the second time all condoms were used and I knew this was it for the night. I tried to fall asleep which was as always impossible with someone new next to me and anyway Aussie had different plans. But until then he held me tightly in his arms so that nobody could steal me away. Really the best way to fall asleep if you can.

In the pool

With just a few kissing stops along the beach Aussie and I made it back to my bungalow. Walking next to the sea and holding hands felt so real and good, I didn’t need anything else. I was already more than happy with this evening.

Once we arrived at my place we decided to hop into the pool which lay calm and empty in front of us. We knew we had to be really quiet not to attract any attention but this just added to the excitement of the moment. Aussie removed everything except for his swim trunks (actually why he was wearing them on a date is beyond me) and I changed into my bikini. I was definitely not so far gone to jump into the pool without any clothes.

The moment I joined Aussie in the pool he wrapped himself around me and held me close like he would never ever want to let me go. All the while he was kissing and caressing me while telling me how gorgeous I looked. What more does a girl want than hearing lots of beautiful words and feeling desired beyond limits?

Maybe a lot more touching and kissing and this is exactly what I got. Aussie knew exactly how to stroke my fire so that not such a long while later we were both without clothes in the pool. But still we stayed in the pool and just touched and hugged and it felt amazing beyond words.

This is not what I usually do when I go on a Tinder date. First of all most guys are just not how they present themselves online anyway and even if I don’t take them home with me on the first evening. But maybe meeting someone the same day after getting in touch with him, exchanging only a couple of texts so that expectations cannot be built too high and traveling for three months without meeting someone remotely interesting, can do that to a person.

What can I tell you, we eventually left tell pool and retired to the bungalow.

Fly me to the moon

Dinner with Aussie didn’t make me sleepy. On the contrary, I was wide awake. Sparks were flying and tension was in the air. When we moved away from the restaurant on our search for a bar we met one of the many floating lantern sellers. And guess what? Aussie was a sucker for romantic gestures and bought a lantern. Just don’t forget that nothing has happened yet.

He paid for the lantern and held it for me to light it with his lighter. Yes, Aussie was a smoker. So very wicked in this day and age. Especially since I had quit years ago. But Aussie was by his own word a holiday smoker. Whatever that means. But so far he had only smoked one cigarette, so maybe he really had his habit under control.

Anyway, I lit the lantern and together we let it go, letting it float away into the dark night. We were watching it getting smaller and smaller and suddenly he pulled me close and kissed me on the lips. That was unexpected. He had appeared so nervous all through dinner, sweating hard and using his napkin every five minutes to pat his forehead dry. Who would have guessed that he had it in him to make a move?

And I loved it! I loved it that he didn’t stick his tongue down my throat right away but gave me a cool, dry kiss on my lips. Then he took my hand and didn’t let it go for the rest of the evening.