a lot younger guy

Here comes ‘the Dad’

I guess I will never learn. Although I haven’t written anything in a long time, i hope some of you are still out there. You know why I haven’t written? Because nothing happened in my life. For pretty long time. I think the cook more than a year ago was the most adventure I had in 2018. So I decided that 2019 must be better.

I started again going on Tinder dates, which to be honest I also did last year. There was just nobody who interested me the least. Then all of a sudden, really out of the blue, I meet this guy on a date and have a really good time. He is younger of course, they always are and already a dad of three at his age. Never mind, this is not my problem.

So we have this great first date where I really felt we had something in common. Bedside the age difference and a lot of tattoos on his side. I liked him. I also liked that he stayed in touch and asked for another date already the next day.

So two days later we meet in the afternoon instead of the evening and even sober I have the feeling that this is a good guy. So when we see each other the third time we land at my place and he stays over. Let’s not go into details but I loved it.

The plan was from the beginning to meet the next day again. Which he then canceled relatively last minute because he had been drinking already since 4pm. It was a work day btw and I was still in the office at that time. I decided against going to the bar to meet him, there is really no point meeting up at 7:30 when someone is quite far ahead in the game.

We met two days later though when he picked me up from an evening class, went to see a football game in a pub (I love football, so no drama here) and missed the second half by going somewhere else instead to talk (his idea, not mine). He stayed again the night and gave me lift the next morning to the office.

He was texting until I left the Friday of that week to go on a two week trip alone. We stayed in touch while he left two days after me to go on a business trip 11 hours time difference away from my location. Still, I felt there was less interest coming from him. First I thought it’s a business trip after all, so no sweat.

So last Saturday we texted last and he was flying back home the next day. Then nothing from him anymore. So this morning I texted him, asking how the homecoming was and told him that it was already my last day in the area. He saw the text and the picture (from the beach). And I also saw him online at different times on what’s app and still no message for me.

I don’t understand. I mean I understand that he has no interest anymore but I don’t get what happened. I hate this ghosting. Thee is really nothing worse than this. Not sure if there is anything that I can do to improve the situation except move on again with my life. As much as I’m upset that this is happening again, I am also glad to note that at least I can still fall in love. I really thought I had lost it. Because with the chef it was definitely not love.

The question here is really, just in case he does get in touch again, what am I to do?

Sushi night with the tattooed chef

Let’s start with the good news: I finally did it! I almost can’t believe it myself if I weren’t there. But it’s true, it happened and I came. What more does a girl want?

A lot actually as I noticed. We started off on the right foot with fantastic sushi that the chef hand-delivered and a bottle of wine. When we were both full we moved to the couch. Always something I abhor, sex on a full stomach. But there was still foreplay to be had in form of some small talk.

When we exhausted that he moved in to kiss me while exposing my breasts at the same time. Quite a move I have to say. Plus he started kissing my neck using his teeth to do so. So nice of him to mention that if it was too rough I should just let him know. Maybe easier to start out slow and not go for the neck biting first. I was wondering if you took his clues from watching ‘Twilight‘.

Because he must have watched some kind films to come up with his moves. Once inside the bedroom I was sitting on the bed, naked already, while he got undressed in front of me. The moment his underwear was off he pushed his dick in my mouth and forced my head down. So fast he didn’t see it coming I slapped his hand away and told him if he values his dick he better abstain from such a move. What’s up with the young people of this world? Where have they learned that this is standard behavior in the bedroom on your first night? From online porn movies?

At least he went down and did a good job. Wherever he got his moves from, this one worked. But later while I got a condom from my drawer he came up behind me and asked about anal. Can’t we just start with the real deal first before going into overdrive?

Also what’s up with socks? Is it too much to ask that you remove them? Besides the socks, which I insisted to come off, I was not allowed to touch either his hair or his beard. As good as the sex was, and it was well worth it, I was kind of put off by the rest. Maybe I was just too long out of the game and this is all okay? Or maybe he was just a douche?

We will never know because he walked out my door, we exchanged texts for the next two days and then he was never heard of again. One of my friends had the theory it’s because I did a before and after pic with him. She thinks that’s too much of coupledom for some dudes. Possible! But you know what, I only care a little. I had a good time with him, and I really appreciated the sex. OMG, it was good (or I was just hungry for it) but whatever it was, it helped! I felt amazing after.

So what do I take away from this? Next time don’t wait that long!

Second date with tatooed chef

You won’t believe it because I almost don’t, but the chef is back in my life. It’s so easy to forget about everything and throw my principles (do I even have any?) overboard.

I got back from vacation and the very next day I got a “happy new year” text from him. So now we are back on after texting back and forth the better part of the last two weeks. We even exchanged a couple of pictures (not what you think) and the more I see of him the less I find him sexy. That was already the problem before seeing him the first time. He definitely scores in the personality department. But he f*cked that up over Christmas.

So now I find myself confused. On the one hand I just want to do the deed. I have been talking about it so long it is really time to take the plunge and go for it. On the other hand I like him, but maybe only as a what’s app lover? Or should I just shut up and see what the evening brings?

These voices in my head get louder and louder and I know I am stupid because this is a second date that will, except if something goes super wrong, turn into my long-wished for sexual re-awakening. And I need that. My body needs that. And also my mental health! So maybe I should just drink a bit, get stimulated on sushi that he brings over (from the best place in town!) and go for it.

I loved what my friend told me yesterday. To relax because he should be the one to be nervous. I am the mature and experienced older woman with lots of lovers (okay, so maybe not lots but age appropriate) and I know what I want. Which is true. I do know what I want most of the times. I just don’t understand why I always get so insecure. And hung up on little details. And so dependent on the kindness of some guy. Arghh!

In any case, please God (if you are out there) let it happen tonight. I have to get back on this proverbial horse and just get the elephant out of the room. I feel like a reborn virgin again. And this must end. Tonight! Wish me luck!

 

The tattooed chef

So recently I decided to take Tinder more serious (isn’t that actually a contradiction?) and try to go on some actual dates. Not just ones in my head, but real ones with real people. I find this kind of hard because the guys who write to me disqualify themselves after a couple of texts and then I just get bored.

So then one day this chef writes to me and I feel a spark of interest from the onset. Who would have thought this was still possible? What astonished me the most was that I gave out my number. Willingly! Haven’t done that in years, usually I wait until after the first date.

We messaged back and forth and even after agreeing on an actual date he kept on writing. I like that, I really do. Nothing worse than writing nicely and once a date has been agreed all of a sudden communication stops. I find that weird and most often cancel dates after that. It kind of gives me the feeling that the guy isn’t interested at all.

So the tattooed chef is different and therefore I overlook his spelling errors which are usually a no-go for me. Absolutely kill any buzz. But I like him, I like the way he writes and what he writes and even though I don’t find him sexy on his picture I find that he looks kind. My friend is sure though that I won’t have sex with him. Kind never does the trick for a one-night-stand.

In any case we meet late. It’s Christmas season and always in advent I am busy. Everybody wants to meet, to party or just go for a drink and I only have a Saturday evening available. Since he is a chef he can’t leave before 9pm and we eventually settle on 9:30. Normally I won’t even get off the couch much less out of my jogger. But in this case I do even though it’s my only evening at home.

And he impresses me by being early. Which I love! And even though I am not initially impressed with him I am nervous. Haven’t felt like this in a long time. So we sit in this Gin and Tonic bar and drink one after another. And the more I drink the more interesting he gets. And all of a sudden I find he is not one-night-stand but ‘let’s meet again’ material. Why oh why do I always have to change course? Especially after 7 G&T.

Because the end result was some very intense kissing. Really, really intense and I am glad we haven’t been booked for indecent behavior on the streets. But I went home alone. And wasn’t the mission to just get laid?? I should always focus on my mission, keep that on the forefront of my mind.

I got some more lovely texts the next morning and even a shirtless picture but after that it kind of dried out. I don’t know what exactly happened but something went awry and we lost touch 6 days after our date.

So what happened? It all goes from 100 downhill. And to be honest he was not the kind of guy I would have wanted a relationship to begin with. 14 years younger, really heavily tattooed, a beard and a small pouch at his age already. So what happened to my brain? Did the alcohol turn it all to mush?

And what do I take away from another date gone haywire? Okay maybe not the date, just the aftermath. I like to think that I am back in the game. There are still people out there that I find attractive. Second, I should drink less and keep my eye on the ball. The point is now to get laid. Everything else is secondary. Will keep you posted on how I’m doing.

PS: don’t get it though why I still think about the chef.

The standards of dating

This is not a Tinder story, but it definitely could be. Last weekend I was invited to a party. More like an event than a party at my age.

The evening started with dinner and since we were many, the hosts had drawn a seating chart. In front of the chart stood the chef of the restaurant. Young, cute and quite the charmer.

I batted my eyes a bit and hoped for the best. And it worked! He noticed me and we started some chitchat. Of course during dinner there was no chance to see him. When it was time for dessert it was him who handed it out.

By then I was hopelessly “smitten”; you won’t believe how good the food was which added immensely to his sex appeal. While drinking shots with the other guest I kept up eye contact from time to time. I really thought I was one smooth cougar.

But then I heard that he has a girlfriend. Ugh, of course. How could it be otherwise. I gave up on any idea and left early with friends to hit the designated party spot. We advanced to Gin&Tonic which always helps to drown sorrow.

Oh, but what a joy! About an hour later the chef walks in and after drinking some more makes a beeline straight to me. Hah, I still have what it takes apparently. Will write that down in my book.

Too bad that he was drunk as a skunk by then. So was not really that much of a compliment. He did ask my age though and didn’t run away, which I liked. But that could have also been the amount of alcohol.

He kept coming on to ask me to go for a drink. Wasn’t sure what he meant with “let’s go to the back of the bar” since we were already in the back of the bar. But then I caught a fleeting glance of a very young, blond girl who tried to kill me with its menace. And I knew exactly what I had to do.

I whispered softly in his ear that this is just not my style and neither should it be his. Turned around and ordered another Gin&Tonic with my friends. Very happy though that the 14 years difference didn’t faze him.

PS: do you think my standards are too high? Shouldn’t I just think about what makes me happy? Is it okay to find it weird that a guy wants to make out although his gf is right behind him? What has changed in the last couple of years that this apparently is okay behavior?

I miss you

Leaving Aussie guy behind at the 5* hotel in Bangkok was one of the hardest thing to do. First of all it was still early and I knew he was going back to bed and secondly I didn’t know if and when I would see him again.

Apparently he felt the same way because after I had checked in at the airport and had a wi-fi connection I got a text from him that he missed me in his arms already. What can I say? I just melted, probably because he sounded in better shape than last night and maybe, just maybe there would have been a chance to go at it again before he would be sick all over. Plus he called me my love. In hindsight it didn’t mean what it implied but I was ecstatic.

And from then on it all went wrong. Because I answered his one lovely text with about five. Plus I sent another one from the plane. What can I say, it was the first time that I had an Internet connection on a plane. So maybe I should just blame Aeroflot for everything.

Once in Moscow I sent another text, talk about overkill, but then I heard back from him. He had met up with his friends and he was still not feeling well. He was also going home that evening.

Everything that was written above, was written right after everything happened. I don’t really know why I never finished this story. Maybe it was too painful. In a way it still is. But I want to move on with my life and therefore I have decided to write about the end.

We managed to talk twice on the phone. The time difference was a killer. 11 hours are not nothing when you both hold jobs. He promised me that he would like into flights and that he would come and see me in November. I felt loved and cherished by this big guy. I haven’t felt like this in ages. Also I trusted him completely. He was available and reliable and I never feared that I wouldn’t hear from him.

But this is exactly what happened. One day, there was just no answer, no text, no explanation. Just one big silence. And like that he vanished into the night.

Saying goodbye

My last morning dawned, not just with Aussie guy but of my trip. Before meeting Aussie I had been backpacking for three months on my own and had the best time of my life. all of a sudden all of this freedom was to end, plus I had to say goodbye to this dreamy package of a man.

Too bad that our last night together couldn’t have been further from romantic, what with Aussie sleeping the sleep of the dead and me praying for him to recover and hoping for a last bout of sexual activity.

It was not to be. I packed up my things while Aussie talked to the toilet bowl again. What can I say, as much as I felt sorry for him, I felt sorry for myself. Shortly before I left the room he gave me his t-shirt in which I met him the first time. Wouldn’t have thought that he would remember that in his condition, but he did.

He managed to accompany me downstairs and wait with me for my cab and then it was already time to say goodbye. One last kiss and a wave and I was on the way to the airport.

A magic night

I can’t believe I never finished the story with Aussie guy. This was really a magic week in my life. The whole week now seems like a fairy tale when I look back.
This last evening in Koh Samui we went for dinner at a beach restaurant which had individual “tents” for each table. As far as I remember I think we were actually the only occupied table and service was excellent.

Not just the service but also the attention of Aussie guy which was directed at me and only at me. He was basically eating out of the palm of my hand. On that evening we agreed that we would try to make a go of it. So weird since we lived on the other side of the world. But in this day and age what’s a little bit of travel?

He got us a heart lantern which we lit together and let go and I don’t need to tell you what my wish was. I had fallen for this guy and I had fallen hard. When we walked back that evening after a stop at our usual bar, getting pictures taking by the hostess who wanted to know if we will come back for our honeymoon, we again made good use of the pool and made love for most of the night. There was definitely magic in the air.

Flying through the woods

I had another sleepless night (why should it have been different after a two-day break?) and we woke up to another sunny day. Aussie went out before breakfast to rent us a motorbike and came back with coffee and macaroons. You just had to love this guy! So thoughtful!

Before heading out for breakfast we tested the bed springs again which were still in amazingly good shape (us too). After breakfast we had a zip-lining tour planned, something I had done just the previous month in Laos. I had told Aussie about it and he was all for it. So I booked us onto a tour but we wanted to head to the starting point ourselves. Exploring the island and so.

It was definitely not easy finding the place but eventually we arrived and were told it was just a short walk from the parking. So before going there we sat down for a coffee and then Aussie told me that he was afraid of heights. WTF? Why didn’t he tell me that before? I would never have booked us on this tour if I had known. Because what’s the point? He was afraid and I had already done the most amazing zip-lines in Laos. Really, guys … I will never get them.

To make a long story short we both got into our harness, walked with a group of 15 people to the first high stand and practiced the brake-maneuver. Aussie wanted to go last and just before I went I asked him if he was fine. I told him that would go back with him if he wanted to get out, but he said no, he was be fine. He chickened out the moment I left the high stand. The first minute I was angry but then I decided to enjoy myself. Because didn’t he let me go first so that I had to stay on the course?

Anyway there was nothing else to do than just go ahead and zip through the trees. And I loved it as much as I had loved it in Laos, although the course was shorter and easier. Still it was exhilarating! So when I came back to Aussie who had in the meantime taken a nap in a hammock I was in a great mood. I had also thought about his fear of heights and had started to appreciate his courage to back down before he went on the course. Once on it there would have been no way down for him and he would have ruined this adventure for everyone else. It cannot be easy to admit in front of of strangers that one is afraid.

The rest of the afternoon was spent on the beach after a sumptuous lunch which Aussie started with a whiskey since his stomach trouble had returned. I of course had no such problems after my time on the road and just tucked in. Later I slept on the beach while he went jet-skiing. This time I didn’t go with him; while I liked it the first time, it definitely didn’t thrill me as much as him and I am was sure he would enjoy it more if he went out alone. Also I rather wanted to read my book.

When the sun started to go down we drove back to the little bungalow to get ready for our last evening on the island.

The best of times

After having finally another undisturbed night (amazing how soon one can forget that) I was ready the next morning to pick my Aussie from the airport. He really was coming back for me (or as one of my friends later said who wouldn’t come to good sex and no strings attached) and planned on staying with me all the way to end of my or respectively his trip.

I had arranged for a cab to take me to the airport and since Koh Samui is such a small place we were in and out in under 5 minutes. Aussie was already waiting for me and while I still looked up on the screen he came over and whispered in my ear if the plane had already arrived. I never even recognized him with his cowboy hat on. He looked amazingly like a douche. Never mind, once in the thralls of love you don’t question your chosen one anymore.

We made it back to the bungalow without embarrassing ourselves in the car (the Thai might be used to tourists but still expect you to behave) but then went right back to bed. House cleaning knocked about three times on the door until we eventually left the bungalow for the beach. The rest of the day was spent with sleeping on the beach by Aussie and reading by me.

Before heading out for dinner we tested the new bed sheets and then I had a lovely meal not far from the hotel. Aussie meanwhile went to a pharmacy. He seemed to have caught a stomach bug and felt queasy. So not romantic at all this time since I had to eat alone. That didn’t diminish my appetite though. After traveling for three months I was used to eating alone and had paid my dues in stomach problems. The cure to all that is alcohol.

So before heading home we stopped at a bar near our place which we had already frequented on our second night together. There we were greeted like long-lost friends and the girls behind the bar looked happy for me when I showed up with Aussie again (the evening before I came alone). Gin Tonic always works like a charm and when we cam back to the bungalow Aussie was up for another tumble between the sheets.

He fell asleep like a stone right after, but I lay awake as usual. But I was happy, so happy to be next to my hunky Aussie. He was holding me tight and if I moved around he would just follow me. So lovely!