Numb

After sending my text last week to B. I was waiting breathless for his answer. It never came. Actually I think he never saw it, clicked on it or I don’t know what. With “What’s app” you usually get two check marks when I message has been received and seen. At least I always understood it like this. Now my message to him still shows only one check mark which is quite frustrating.
Therefore I sent another text today saying the I would like to meet him again. Still only one check mark.

I believe that even I will give up if there is no answer from him. Still, this is so unlike me to go on and on and on. It is almost unbearable to confront myself with the fact that I have contacted him now three times and only got an answer once. Even though the first one was successful. But what does successful even mean? That he wrote back telling me that he missed me as well? But also telling me he would have never gotten in touch? And what is the meaning of his writing that he wants to try again, be with me, that he still thinks about the times we spent together? How it felt being next to me?
I wish I understand what’s going on in his mind!

Interestingly enough I don’t feel bad about myself for writing to him. I don’t even feel embarrassed that I am the one chasing him. I just mean to get some kind closure. And if it’s not coming from then the passing time will make sure of it.

In other news V. is still constantly in touch with me. Needing to see me, needing to talk to me and begging me to join him on his trip to Peru. Isn’t it funny how life plays out? One always wants what one cannot have.

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