First impressions

I arrived at an English pub and it was good enough for me. why search for an Irish one when I had already walked for more than 30 minutes or so…. When I saw “The Scribbler” (it was probably called something different) I decided to stop there for  a beer and send a text in the hope that my date still gets it. That’s always the problem on vacation that you have to rely on wifi for what’s app. Since I only stayed for a week in Thailand there was no need to buy a Sim card.

Anyway, I sat down and ordered a large beer. I was hot and sweaty and then sent a text on Tinder using the chance while being logged on to peruse his pictures again. Certainly not impressive but I just wanted to have a fun evening and had no ulterior motive. He was fun and quick to answer while messaging and since I am the “Queen of small talk” I thought it would go well. And if not then I still had a second date lined up.

He wrote back that he was running late, they had just arrived back at the hotel. He told me in the beginning that he was traveling with two friends and that they had rented motorbikes. No worries here, I had a book with me and didn’t mind the wait. I was on vacation after all and had already 3 months of these under my belt. So who cares if I had to wait for a bit while drinking a cold beer and reading a good book?

When he, let’s call him Aussie, came in I recognized him right away. Probably because he had told me that he  was wearing a purple shirt. He looked bigger than on his pictures. But in a good way, more trained. But not something I really go for usually. He carried a small man purse as well, something I would usually not tolerate. Actually usually I would run and scream at the same time and just flee the scene. But in this case it was different, he had a sincere smile. I got up and we said hello the European way. Don’t blame me, I am from Europe plus I felt the alcohol. I didn’t have any lunch and had almost finished my large beer.

Also, and this I probably liked best, he didn’t look his age. That might sound mean now but my biggest fear was that he would look way younger than me. He was 11 years my junior. I really cannot imagine anything worse than being seen in public with a guy and I look like his mother. But three months of traveling were doing wonders to my skin and my overall complexion. I looked young and vibrant and next to him possible even a bit younger than him. But only because Aussie looked about my age. Yes, too much sun is really bad for you! Always, always use sunscreen!

No third date and other issues

Wow, I really haven’t written in a long time. And you know what? Nothing has happened in between. I am still in touch with E. He asked for a third date, going to a festival here in Vienna. But I had to cancel, going to a wedding the next day and from the wedding directly to the airport leaving for vacation in Greece. So no, I didn’t go and I did not feel sorry to cancel. While on vacation we kept in touch, although after 3 days I did not write back. Maybe I should do this.
Because to my big shame I have to admit that while on vacation I sent a text to B. Thanking him for talking at length about the island Rhodes, Greece and claiming how wonderful it is. And he is right, the island is beautiful, people are generous and extremely friendly. I went with a friend and we had a fabulous time. B. wrote back last night, exactly 2 hours after I was back home. Telling me that he doesn’t live in Vienna anymore and that he will go back to the island in September for 2 weeks. I am glad I already booked Andalusia for this time. So I can’t do anything stupid!
He also wrote that I should think about him while sitting in Lindos in the evening on one of the numerous roof top patios. And stupid me had to write back, telling him that I was already back home. And that there was no time to think about him cause I visited Lindos only during the day. What’s the matter with me? I don’t get myself, but I am working on it.

No apology but an excuse nonetheless

After not hearing from B all day was so angry in the evening that I sent him another text asking him if he was pulling the same stunt he did a couple of months ago? Vanishing and then weeks later sending little messages. What’s the matter with him? Why can’t he just say that all he wants is the one thing and be done with it? There is really no need for all the other bs, his nice words and talking about feelings…

I was very glad that I left the city on Thursday for a long weekend in Moscow. Have never been there and was looking forward to a long and relaxing stay at a very posh hotel! That Thursday evening I got a text from telling me that he fell asleep on Tuesday afternoon and slept until 1am and the next day he had to leave for Slovenia again. There was a death in the family and the funeral was on Friday.

What I can I say to this? I sent a text with my deepest sympathy and left it at that. It doesn’t change anything! I have to accept the fact that “he is just not that into me”. Otherwise there would have been a text at 1am to say he was sorry, that he overslept. Whatever… something. But there has never been anything and stupid as I am, I was giving him chance after chance.

And my heart is still betraying me. Yesterday when I arrived back home I was looking for him in the arrival hall. We talked about it, I told him when I would be back. And he was making jokes about waiting for me with a big welcome sign. Why do I still want that? Why can I not just accept that there will never be an “us”? I have to be strong now, there is no way back!