Same old, same old

Yesterday was a national holiday and after a late morning run I was sitting at home trying to catch my breath when I suddenly get a text from B. via what’s app. I haven’t heard from hom since April 11 when he told me that he was back in Slovenia for a funeral. Since then nothing, nada, zip.
So yesterday all of a sudden I get his text in which he tells me that he doesn’t like Vienna at all, that hasn’t been back the last couple of weeks and already looks forward to Friday when he goes back to Slovenia. Apparently he turned int a country bumpkin (his words).
I said hello and that is was nice to hear from him. And then I asked if he wanted to talk on the phone. I am not sure what I wanted to say to him, but am tired of always texting via what’s app. That’s not a conversation, it’s just a pile of words. So he wrote back that he would love to in the evening. Because now that he is here he wants to drive to his brother’s place and see his nieces.
So I told him sure, he should just give me a call. If I was still out I would call him when I was back home. I had plans myself yesterday afternoon and went wine tasting with some friends.
Returned home around 8pm, quite inhibited and almost fell asleep on the couch.
He deigned to send a text at 9:30pm that he was now out himself…?
What was there not to understand, I told him he should get in touch when he was available and if I was still out I would call back. Whatever!!
Of course I am angry with myself that he still enervates me. Why oh why am I not standing above this? Why do I still take this to heart. I know that his text was some kind of weird excuse for him. He never gets in touch when he is not in the country and this was probably his way of explaining. But what’s the point. He doesn’t care, not about me or my feelings. Why does he even get in touch? Maybe he just wants to have a good time while he is here and then he goes back home to his wife/gf. I still believe there is someone. Maybe if I ever see or hear him again I will have the courage to ask him. He might not even lie. Because what would be the point?
I don’t think he will get in touch today. He probably has plans and tomorrow he goes south again. He will probably text again when he is in the city.
But I am proud as well cause I deleted his texts already this morning. Ok, I was disappointed after waking up at 6am and seeing he never texted or called during the night. Will I be ever smart with this guy?

No apology but an excuse nonetheless

After not hearing from B all day was so angry in the evening that I sent him another text asking him if he was pulling the same stunt he did a couple of months ago? Vanishing and then weeks later sending little messages. What’s the matter with him? Why can’t he just say that all he wants is the one thing and be done with it? There is really no need for all the other bs, his nice words and talking about feelings…

I was very glad that I left the city on Thursday for a long weekend in Moscow. Have never been there and was looking forward to a long and relaxing stay at a very posh hotel! That Thursday evening I got a text from telling me that he fell asleep on Tuesday afternoon and slept until 1am and the next day he had to leave for Slovenia again. There was a death in the family and the funeral was on Friday.

What I can I say to this? I sent a text with my deepest sympathy and left it at that. It doesn’t change anything! I have to accept the fact that “he is just not that into me”. Otherwise there would have been a text at 1am to say he was sorry, that he overslept. Whatever… something. But there has never been anything and stupid as I am, I was giving him chance after chance.

And my heart is still betraying me. Yesterday when I arrived back home I was looking for him in the arrival hall. We talked about it, I told him when I would be back. And he was making jokes about waiting for me with a big welcome sign. Why do I still want that? Why can I not just accept that there will never be an “us”? I have to be strong now, there is no way back!

More news and more of the same

I haven’t heard from B until last Thursday. Although he had asked me in his texts the Saturday before last if we will see each other last week. No sign from him at all. And then last Thursday quite late I get a text from him that he is checking his text daily hoping to hear from me and always being disappointed.
He told me that he was still in Slovenia but that he will come back to Vienna on Sunday. And then he asked me if we can write each other until we see each other again. And that his longing for me almost hurts.
Then on Friday morning I sent him a text that I woke up thinking about him. And to this I get no answer. Nothing, nada. So this morning, it already being Monday, I sent him his text back “we will write each other, yes?” and also wrote “You, too?”.

So far he has not seen it, and there is of course no answer. What am I to do. I have a feeling he writes only when he had something to drink and feels a bit lonely. Otherwise there is never anything from him. I don’t know how to get him out of my system. It’s not as if we had such a long relationship. Basically only days, since most of the times I have been on vacation while we ware dating.

Just now got a text from him. Of course we will write each other. He is just now on the way back to Vienna…
Sh*t, I am excited. Where will this all lead??

V on the other hand wants to come to see me in Vienna in July. He still wants me to cancel my trip to
Moscow. And if he knew that just today I booked a trip to Greece I am sure he would be mad again. So it’s good that he doesn’t know!

Surprising news

A surprising turn of events happened. B. sent a text on Saturday with “Happy Easter” greetings. I got it while I was sitting together with a friend, waiting to go out.
Interestingly enough, I would not have answered. Because what is the point. My friend pointed out that he wanted to talk to me because otherwise why would he send a text at 22:15 on a Saturday evening?
With her help I answered the text. I thanked him and asked him where he was.
I think he was surprised, cause he wrote back right away that he was in Slovenia with his parents and brother and asked me where I was. When I told him that I was out, he wished me a nice evening and wrote “Next week?”. I said yes, and asked him to get in touch. He said he would, so I told him that I look forward too. He said, he too. Then I wished him a good night and sweet dreams.
And to this he wrote back that the next time he sees me, he wants to take me in his arms and not talk. In his second text he wrote that talking will be necessary, but only later.
Very interesting development, so told him if he kisses me right away, I will be quiet for a change and listen to him later.
Then he kind of ruined by writing that his desire for me is so great, that he is almost dying. And when I told him that when the time is right, we will have an amazing time again, he seemed aggravated. But what did he expect, that he can just get in touch and I would crawl into bed with him?
Anyway, let’s see how this turns out.

Also V. got in touch again on Saturday afternoon. He sent a mail via FB saying hi. His way of getting in touch again after behaving like a spoiled brat. He still loves me which I find wonderful. It’s so nice to hear even though there is no future for us. He lives in Brazil and I in Austria, He is a bit over 30 and I am a bit over 40. Makes no sense to me, but maybe I should throw reason in the wind…

Will keep you posted!