Wow, it has been quite a while since I wrote anything here. This is probably because I keep busy with my other blog (click here if you want to see). But also because nothing, and I really mean nothing, has happened in the relationship department. No matter in what sense I use this word. Since Special K nothing/nobody of interest has crossed my way and there was so much else to do.
I will take three-month off work and travel. This is something I have wanted to do since a very long time. More than two years actually, ever since I came back from Brazil I wanted to quit and leave. I won’t be quitting now but get time off. And it is not the asked for year but only three months. But it is a start and I will take it from there.
What I have noticed as well since my leaving day is coming nearer and nearer I am meeting more and more guys. I seem to attract them now since I have no time and interest. Problem is, the moment I am showing interest, there is nothing happening again.
For example last week. I went out with a couple of friends, sure to be back home by 10pm latest after two glasses of wine. How I erred, I came home to the birds already singing. At the bar we went to I met a guy, let’s call him FX. He is not good-looking but has a certain humor and intellect which was clearly visible on this night and I had so much fun with him. He was complimenting me all the time, dancing with me, getting me drinks and being attentive all around. So before leaving the club he tells me that he must see me again and gives me his card to call him. Something I never do, which I let him know. So he takes my number and gives me a kiss square on the mouth and afterwards says that even though it was quite forward I will probably have all forgotten about it by the next morning. Which clearly I have not.
And I also didn’t forget that he wanted to see me again. So guess what happened? He never called. This is almost a week ago. I mean how long does he want to wait? And why am I so pissed that he doesn’t call?
I don’t get myself, there is so much to look forward to. And I haven’t really cared about anyone in a long time. And then I meet this guy, like him, get the vibe he does too and then nothing. Urgh!!! Men!!
Please explain, I am lost here.
I have to say the evening was great. The restaurant was a sure winner, the food delish and the wine perfect. The guy, let’s call him F attentive and funny. So sad to say then that I am just not into him.
He looks exactly like his picture but also 5 years older and at least 20lb heavier. Which is so unfair. Because I sent him a couple of pics from my last vacation (from 2 weeks ago) and when I looked at someone’s fb pictures I assume that they are quite recent. But apparently he either had a sudden weight gain or hasn’t updated his profile pictures in years. What’s the point of not being honest upfront? You cannot cheat on the first impression.
I would still go out with him a second time though. I mean dinner was good and he paid for it. Also he told me that he is well off (who really cares about this? And why are guys still talking about this when they want to be loved for themselves and not for their money?), so I don’t care going out with him again for a nice dinner. And of course the evening was nice and maybe he just deserves a second chance but I don’t have the feeling that this will go anywhere.
Also my ‘fan’ V from my Brazil vacation last year got in touch again. I wrote about him here already. He sends a text every couple of months but the last couple of weeks text rate increased and yesterday he told me he loved me again. Which I find great, if I could take it seriously. But V and I met more than a year ago in a hostel in Brazil where he was working. All in all we talked over the course of three days maybe for an hour (generously counting), nothing happened and no sparks flew from my side. Plus he is still more than 10 years younger. He already confessed he love for me while I was still traveling in Brazil and now he is doing it again. I just don’t get it what’s his plan behind all of this. It’s not as if a booty call is right around the corner.
He is though always asking if he can come and visit me. So maybe he just wants to see my hometown?
So this is my weird life at the moment. I am kind of bored, not so much with myself, I love doing nothing at home, reading my books and watching the odd bit of tv. But I miss the fun stuff and also it’s not healthy to live such a celibate life. So I really, really have to do something. Also I am quite over the online dating stuff. Nothing good has happened there. Will try to formulate a new plan and get back to you.
Last week I made a decisive step. I deleted all online dating profiles that I had. And there were many. I think I registered with three. With one of them I had been already since 2007. And never in between have I deleted my profile, but only deactivated it so that I could always come back when I wanted to.
Last week I decided that I had enough. I never met anyone really, really special online. Some nice guys, yes, but more douches. And I don’t want to waste my time anymore meeting uninteresting people. I have so many nice friends, I rather spend time with them.
So it was a big step for me to delete it all and I feel so much better for it! Since coming back from Brazil in March I am saving money for my trip. I want to take a year off and just travel the world or at least parts of it. And I also adjusted my life to make these necessary savings. I noticed that I don’t care so much about guys anymore and meeting men is not a priority. To be honest it wouldn’t work with my plan to meet someone now. I want to leave and not be attached to someone.
But it’s kind of interesting what is happening once you are not looking anymore. Last week I met my ex-boyfriend G. whom I dated to years ago. I didn’t go and say hello, the break-up was not so nice. Although to be honest it was me who didn’t want anymore, it was him who cut me of on Facebook. I felt back like in kindergarten. Anyway, I passed him and we had like eye contact for a second. The next day I had an e-mail in my inbox, if it was me who last night. Very funny, of course I never mailed back. Been there, done that. No reason for revisiting!
Yesterday I went swimming with friends and H. joined us. I know him since more 20 years, have always wanted him in a way, but also thought that this friendship is worth a lot more than risking it something casual. I don’t think it would have ever worked. Anyway, he called kind of out of the blue and asked what I was doing. He spent the day with us and it was really relaxing. I like how everything is just happening. No hassle, no drama, just a good vibe.
A surprising turn of events happened. B. sent a text on Saturday with “Happy Easter” greetings. I got it while I was sitting together with a friend, waiting to go out.
Interestingly enough, I would not have answered. Because what is the point. My friend pointed out that he wanted to talk to me because otherwise why would he send a text at 22:15 on a Saturday evening?
With her help I answered the text. I thanked him and asked him where he was.
I think he was surprised, cause he wrote back right away that he was in Slovenia with his parents and brother and asked me where I was. When I told him that I was out, he wished me a nice evening and wrote “Next week?”. I said yes, and asked him to get in touch. He said he would, so I told him that I look forward too. He said, he too. Then I wished him a good night and sweet dreams.
And to this he wrote back that the next time he sees me, he wants to take me in his arms and not talk. In his second text he wrote that talking will be necessary, but only later.
Very interesting development, so told him if he kisses me right away, I will be quiet for a change and listen to him later.
Then he kind of ruined by writing that his desire for me is so great, that he is almost dying. And when I told him that when the time is right, we will have an amazing time again, he seemed aggravated. But what did he expect, that he can just get in touch and I would crawl into bed with him?
Anyway, let’s see how this turns out.
Also V. got in touch again on Saturday afternoon. He sent a mail via FB saying hi. His way of getting in touch again after behaving like a spoiled brat. He still loves me which I find wonderful. It’s so nice to hear even though there is no future for us. He lives in Brazil and I in Austria, He is a bit over 30 and I am a bit over 40. Makes no sense to me, but maybe I should throw reason in the wind…
Will keep you posted!