Saying goodbye

My last morning dawned, not just with Aussie guy but of my trip. Before meeting Aussie I had been backpacking for three months on my own and had the best time of my life. all of a sudden all of this freedom was to end, plus I had to say goodbye to this dreamy package of a man.

Too bad that our last night together couldn’t have been further from romantic, what with Aussie sleeping the sleep of the dead and me praying for him to recover and hoping for a last bout of sexual activity.

It was not to be. I packed up my things while Aussie talked to the toilet bowl again. What can I say, as much as I felt sorry for him, I felt sorry for myself. Shortly before I left the room he gave me his t-shirt in which I met him the first time. Wouldn’t have thought that he would remember that in his condition, but he did.

He managed to accompany me downstairs and wait with me for my cab and then it was already time to say goodbye. One last kiss and a wave and I was on the way to the airport.

A magic night

I can’t believe I never finished the story with Aussie guy. This was really a magic week in my life. The whole week now seems like a fairy tale when I look back.
This last evening in Koh Samui we went for dinner at a beach restaurant which had individual “tents” for each table. As far as I remember I think we were actually the only occupied table and service was excellent.

Not just the service but also the attention of Aussie guy which was directed at me and only at me. He was basically eating out of the palm of my hand. On that evening we agreed that we would try to make a go of it. So weird since we lived on the other side of the world. But in this day and age what’s a little bit of travel?

He got us a heart lantern which we lit together and let go and I don’t need to tell you what my wish was. I had fallen for this guy and I had fallen hard. When we walked back that evening after a stop at our usual bar, getting pictures taking by the hostess who wanted to know if we will come back for our honeymoon, we again made good use of the pool and made love for most of the night. There was definitely magic in the air.

Surprise, surprise

I spent my morning sleeping, breakfasting and then finally going to the beach when I got a text from Aussie guy asking me if I still wanted to go jet-skiing with him today. Really, he texted? After a ONS? Who would have thought that.

I mean I had put him down as a really nice guy, but still I was surprised in a good way. On the other hand maybe he just wanted some more of the good stuff. After all we were both on vacation. Mine was more like a trip of a life time with three months ending here on this island but he was really just on vacation fleeing winter in Australia.

Around 3:30pm or so he picked me up from my end of the beach to then walk all the way back to a jet-ski rental. I noticed that our ‘hello’ seemed natural enough, he might have been nervous but I definitely wasn’t. I expected nothing and had therefore nothing to lose.

He rented a jet-ski and I sat down in front of him. Being held by him (or at least to have the chance to lean into him) while on this thing of hell felt great. He was very much into it and told me the whole time that the jet-ski he had at home was more powerful and could do better stuff. Who really cares about that? I don’t even like to drive a car. But I loved that I was sitting in front with his arms around me and him always checking that the ride was good for me. This guy just got better and better.

After we gave back the jet-ski we decided on visiting another beach which he had checked out the day before with his mates. With his motorbike we drove first back to the rental place to get a another helmet for him. I never met a person before who was so concerned for safety and also lived it. So far on my whole trip in SE Asia I wasn’t wearing a helmet once. But he insisted. I of course took that as a sign that he cared.

When we finally arrived at the beach it was already late afternoon. We walked together into the water and then we just kept hugging each other. He was the one who kept standing and I was tightly wrapped around his body. Poor Aussie hurt his feet a lot on the sharp stones that were in the water. It was not easy to just stand still.

While in the water we talked again that he was leaving the next day for Chang Mai but that he really wanted to stay with me instead. I told him that my offer was still on the table. Plus we both told each other that we were very much into each other! We eventually made it out of the water (there was a certain waiting period involved until Monsieur could walk out) and drove back to my place.

Suddenly though we had a flat tire and no repair place nearby. I wanted to walk to town while he found help but he insisted on my staying at a restaurant close by, drinking something and relaxing while took care of it. He even gave me money because I had nothing on me.

By then I felt something shifting inside me. This guy was so young (11 years my junior) but so nice (and again I mean that in the best possible way) and I noticed that I fell for him. How is that possible after one day? Was I really so love-starved that I needed attention so much?

When he finally picked me up again he drove first to his cleaner to get his laundry which he already wanted to leave at my placeĀ  So it was decided. He would cancel the trip with his mates and stay with me for the rest of his vacation.

New beginning

Last week I made a decisive step. I deleted all online dating profiles that I had. And there were many. I think I registered with three. With one of them I had been already since 2007. And never in between have I deleted my profile, but only deactivated it so that I could always come back when I wanted to.

Last week I decided that I had enough. I never met anyone really, really special online. Some nice guys, yes, but more douches. And I don’t want to waste my time anymore meeting uninteresting people. I have so many nice friends, I rather spend time with them.

So it was a big step for me to delete it all and I feel so much better for it! Since coming back from Brazil in March I am saving money for my trip. I want to take a year off and just travel the world or at least parts of it. And I also adjusted my life to make these necessary savings. I noticed that I don’t care so much about guys anymore and meeting men is not a priority. To be honest it wouldn’t work with my plan to meet someone now. I want to leave and not be attached to someone.

But it’s kind of interesting what is happening once you are not looking anymore. Last week I met my ex-boyfriend G. whom I dated to years ago. I didn’t go and say hello, the break-up was not so nice. Although to be honest it was me who didn’t want anymore, it was him who cut me of on Facebook. I felt back like in kindergarten. Anyway, I passed him and we had like eye contact for a second. The next day I had an e-mail in my inbox, if it was me who last night. Very funny, of course I never mailed back. Been there, done that. No reason for revisiting!

Yesterday I went swimming with friends and H. joined us. I know him since more 20 years, have always wanted him in a way, but also thought that this friendship is worth a lot more than risking it something casual. I don’t think it would have ever worked. Anyway, he called kind of out of the blue and asked what I was doing. He spent the day with us and it was really relaxing. I like how everything is just happening. No hassle, no drama, just a good vibe.