On the beach

After our beautiful first kiss we slowly made our way to the main road stopping in between to start kissing for real. Yeah, way to go. Aussie really knew how to do that. Walking along the main street we noticed that it was definitely not the right place for us. So back to the beach for us again.

We found a real nice spot with oversized pillows on the beach about 500 meters from our dinner place. There we squeezed together on one pillow and started exchanging bodily fluids in earnest.

Wow, what can I say. Reclining together on this pillow and getting hugged, touched and kiss by this bear of a man just felt amazing. I loved it when he said that he was nervous around me. Always good to keep a man on his toes.

Sometime in between he told me that he was leaving the day after tomorrow for Chang Mai. He and his friends had booked the whole trip ahead in Australia and flight and hotel had been paid for. But in the heat of the moment he said he would love to spend more time with me and I offered him to stay at my bungalow. In the throes of passion all kind of stuff can be promised.

More kissing and touching ensued and after two G&T we had decided on a course of action. He would come home with me since it was only at the end of this beach and I had the nicer place. Unbelievable that I was able to drink so much and not feel drunk. At least not from alcohol only from love. Okay, it might have been only passion but whatever it was, it made me take home Aussie.

Fly me to the moon

Dinner with Aussie didn’t make me sleepy. On the contrary, I was wide awake. Sparks were flying and tension was in the air. When we moved away from the restaurant on our search for a bar we met one of the many floating lantern sellers. And guess what? Aussie was a sucker for romantic gestures and bought a lantern. Just don’t forget that nothing has happened yet.

He paid for the lantern and held it for me to light it with his lighter. Yes, Aussie was a smoker. So very wicked in this day and age. Especially since I had quit years ago. But Aussie was by his own word a holiday smoker. Whatever that means. But so far he had only smoked one cigarette, so maybe he really had his habit under control.

Anyway, I lit the lantern and together we let it go, letting it float away into the dark night. We were watching it getting smaller and smaller and suddenly he pulled me close and kissed me on the lips. That was unexpected. He had appeared so nervous all through dinner, sweating hard and using his napkin every five minutes to pat his forehead dry. Who would have guessed that he had it in him to make a move?

And I loved it! I loved it that he didn’t stick his tongue down my throat right away but gave me a cool, dry kiss on my lips. Then he took my hand and didn’t let it go for the rest of the evening.

Let’s go for dinner 

Aussie ordered a large beer for himself and a small one for me. Then he put the glass to his mouth and only set it down once three-quarters of its content had vanished. Great either he tried to catch up or I don’t know what.

Once the glass was back on the table we started talking and after about 10 minutes I got the impression that it was not going so well. My ‘Queen of small talk’ quality had left the premise once it noticed that Aussie was not the talker. Great, so here I was sitting with a guy who appeared to be nice (and I mean that in the best possible way; nice is totally underrated!) but was a man of few words. The fewer the better apparently.

So imagine my astonishment when he asked me if I wanted to go for dinner. I already knew that I would never make it to the second date. After two beers I definitely needed something to eat first. And even though he was not the best conversationalist, a free dinner was a free dinner.

We left the pub and moved in the direction of the beach. I noticed that I really had too much to drink since I wobbled a bit. But Aussie was not fazed and provided a stable support for me by holding my arm. Nothing sexual in there, I assure you.

We reached the beach and he chose a really good-looking place to have dinner. When he asked me if I was hungry, ate everything and if he could order for us, I was more than happy to say yes to all three. Saying “YES” a lot more was something I had leaned on my trip. It really opened new doors for me and lead to some incredible experiences!

Starving by then I loved it that Aussie ordered the seafood platter for two which started with oysters (why ever we would need aphrodisiac I really didn’t get). Also loved it that he didn’t appear to be cheap. He had paid for the beers already and since he had ordered the food I assumed (correctly) that he would pay for dinner.

Over dinner he started to talk a bit and my first impression was confirmed, Aussie was a good guy. There is something inherently sexy about a really nice guy. Maybe it’s because I am already older and had my share of bad boys. I loved that he came across like a real guy.

So dinner was interesting and with two shared pitchers of beers his tongue got looser and I felt he might not be uninterested after all.  Mine got looser too and I asked him about the first 15 minutes and my impression of him. He told me that he was inherently shy and that he felt nervous with me. What better compliment for someone like me to make a younger guy nervous. He really knew what to tell me.

After he paid for dinner we went in search of a bar. It started to become really interesting. There was definitely a bit of tension in the air.

First impressions

I arrived at an English pub and it was good enough for me. why search for an Irish one when I had already walked for more than 30 minutes or so…. When I saw “The Scribbler” (it was probably called something different) I decided to stop there for  a beer and send a text in the hope that my date still gets it. That’s always the problem on vacation that you have to rely on wifi for what’s app. Since I only stayed for a week in Thailand there was no need to buy a Sim card.

Anyway, I sat down and ordered a large beer. I was hot and sweaty and then sent a text on Tinder using the chance while being logged on to peruse his pictures again. Certainly not impressive but I just wanted to have a fun evening and had no ulterior motive. He was fun and quick to answer while messaging and since I am the “Queen of small talk” I thought it would go well. And if not then I still had a second date lined up.

He wrote back that he was running late, they had just arrived back at the hotel. He told me in the beginning that he was traveling with two friends and that they had rented motorbikes. No worries here, I had a book with me and didn’t mind the wait. I was on vacation after all and had already 3 months of these under my belt. So who cares if I had to wait for a bit while drinking a cold beer and reading a good book?

When he, let’s call him Aussie, came in I recognized him right away. Probably because he had told me that he  was wearing a purple shirt. He looked bigger than on his pictures. But in a good way, more trained. But not something I really go for usually. He carried a small man purse as well, something I would usually not tolerate. Actually usually I would run and scream at the same time and just flee the scene. But in this case it was different, he had a sincere smile. I got up and we said hello the European way. Don’t blame me, I am from Europe plus I felt the alcohol. I didn’t have any lunch and had almost finished my large beer.

Also, and this I probably liked best, he didn’t look his age. That might sound mean now but my biggest fear was that he would look way younger than me. He was 11 years my junior. I really cannot imagine anything worse than being seen in public with a guy and I look like his mother. But three months of traveling were doing wonders to my skin and my overall complexion. I looked young and vibrant and next to him possible even a bit younger than him. But only because Aussie looked about my age. Yes, too much sun is really bad for you! Always, always use sunscreen!

Tindering

I am back home since more than a month and I had the trip of a life time. Dating wise it was a bit meager since most backpackers on the road in SE Asia were at least 20 years younger. Not that I would mind someone younger but I got the feeling that I was just not meant for them. So I traveled for three months without anything happening and this although I was excellently prepared for all eventualities.

For the last part of my trip I had a beach vacation planned and for this I pulled out all stops (compared to the rest of the trip). I flew to a well-known island in Thailand and there rented a bungalow on a beautiful beach. Not right in the middle of the action but a little bit further down. At my age I want to choose when to party and not have it in front of my door all the time.

So the second day I am there I activate Tinder since I will spend a week on this island alone and I already noticed at breakfast that at my hotel I won’t meet anybody. I swipe so often to the right that Tinder tells me I am out of likes for 12 hours. Did that ever happen to you?

I start texting with a couple of guys, not all of them on the same island. So really what’s the point? I just want to meet some people and have a great last week of this totally amazing trip. Two guys want to meet me right away and I agree to meet both of them. The first one around 4:30-5ish and with the other I arrange to text later since he can’t make it before 7. It feels a bit over-motivated to meet two on the same evening but from experience I know that 90% of the people on Tinder are super douche, so it’s best to keep all my options open. And with no expectations I walk into town to look for the Irish pub because every place has at least one of them and it’s as good a meeting place as any.

Long time no see

Wow, it has been quite a while since I wrote anything here. This is probably because I keep busy with my other blog (click here if you want to see). But also because nothing, and I really mean nothing, has happened in the relationship department. No matter in what sense I use this word. Since Special K nothing/nobody of interest has crossed my way and there was so much else to do.

I will take three-month off work and travel. This is something I have wanted to do since a very long time. More than two years actually, ever since I came back from Brazil I wanted to quit and leave. I won’t be quitting now but get time off. And it is not the asked for year but only three months. But it is a start and I will take it from there.

What I have noticed as well since my leaving day is coming nearer and nearer I am meeting more and more guys. I seem to attract them now since I have no time and interest. Problem is, the moment I am showing interest, there is nothing happening again.

For example last week. I went out with a couple of friends, sure to be back home by 10pm latest after two glasses of wine. How I erred, I came home to the birds already singing. At the bar we went to I met a guy, let’s call him FX. He is not good-looking but has a certain humor and intellect which was clearly visible on this night and I had so much fun with him. He was complimenting me all the time, dancing with me, getting me drinks and being attentive all around. So before leaving the club he tells me that he must see me again and gives me his card to call him. Something I never do, which I let him know. So he takes my number and gives me a kiss square on the mouth and afterwards says that even though it was quite forward I will probably have all forgotten about it by the next morning. Which clearly I have not.

And I also didn’t forget that he wanted to see me again. So guess what happened? He never called. This is almost a week ago. I mean how long does he want to wait? And why am I so pissed that he doesn’t call?
I don’t get myself, there is so much to look forward to. And I haven’t really cared about anyone in a long time. And then I meet this guy, like him, get the vibe he does too and then nothing. Urgh!!! Men!!

Please explain, I am lost here.

Being single but not lonely

I noticed again today that I have not written in a while and I noticed it because I wrote tons on my other blog and this one seems to idle away and has come to a full stop apparently. Things have to change around here and I need to get some motivation.
Motivation is also lacking in my love life. Basically my love life is non-existing and that already for a couple of months. Not healthy at all, I know. But as I said, I seem to be lacking in motivation. I haven’t been out lately, I have been on vacation though. But even there I rather preferred to stay on the beach and leave the sexual exploits to my older friends. What’s up with me?
Am I just tired of trying? Maybe because I am planning this big trip in my head and wouldn’t have time for anything anyway?
But there is always time for love (or sex) you will say. You are right, there is. I just don’t make any. I also don’t plan my trip. I just like to talk about how much money I saved and when I will start it. And since I have a starting date I am scared shitless that I am doing this. Quitting my job and leaving everything behind while going away on this trip of a lifetime. Which it will hopefully be once I am on it.
So what I supposed to do? About everything and my love life? The latter needs to be resuscitated again, definitely not healthy at all what I am doing to my body and my mental health. I read an article somewhere that the human being needs to be touched. I definitely need to be touched. All over if possible.
Let’s get this thing going! I am challenging myself to get in the sack, I just don’t know with whom. I really wish I wouldn’t be so fussy. But I can’t get it on with just anybody. I want someone young, with a nice body and good hair (better make that a full set of hair) and nice teeth (caries is contagious after all). Urgh, see there I go again. But I will work on myself. Promise!
Maybe the hair is not so important after all, just a nice to have feature.
Talk to you soon

Still hanging around

I just noticed that I last updated my blog more than a month ago. And the funny part is that in the meantime nothing has happened.
I have been out a bit on date, discovered Tinder and already went on a breakfast date with a guy from there, but nothing exciting has happened. Sometimes I wonder if I even want anything to happen?
I decided sometime last year after a long vacation that I want to take a year off work and just travel for a while. And since I made up my mind to really do this I have been very focused on saving money, getting information on where to go when, vaccinations, visas etc. My focus has slightly shifted.

While I still want to meet a great person and share my life with him, it’s not my overall mission in life anymore. Might have also to do with the fact that I passed my 40th birthday a while ago, kids therefore are basically out of the question and there is not so much pressure anymore on finding the right man right now (except from my mother). I love meeting new people more than loving to get to know them. Does that sound weird? Or am I of sound mind?

Questions and more questions. They are coming up more often now. Just passed another birthday and got lots of gifts from my mother to match her vision of me on how to find a man. Which freaks me out and ended in a huge fight. And although I know she means well I cannot go on anymore. I hate it that she makes me feel worth less just because I am single. Because I don’t feel like this. I feel ok, sometimes even great. I am also not afraid that I will end up alone. I am sure there is someone around for me to match, just maybe not right now.

So what am I to do?

Update on the first date

I have to say the evening was great. The restaurant was a sure winner, the food delish and the wine perfect. The guy, let’s call him F attentive and funny. So sad to say then that I am just not into him.

He looks exactly like his picture but also 5 years older and at least 20lb heavier. Which is so unfair. Because I sent him a couple of pics from my last vacation (from 2 weeks ago) and when I looked at someone’s fb pictures I assume that they are quite recent. But apparently he either had a sudden weight gain or hasn’t updated his profile pictures in years. What’s the point of not being honest upfront? You cannot cheat on the first impression.

I would still go out with him a second time though. I mean dinner was good and he paid for it. Also he told me that he is well off (who really cares about this? And why are guys still talking about this when they want to be loved for themselves and not for their money?), so I don’t care going out with him again for a nice dinner. And of course the evening was nice and maybe he just deserves a second chance but I don’t have the feeling that this will go anywhere.

Also my ‘fan’ V from my Brazil vacation last year got in touch again. I wrote about him here already. He sends a text every couple of months but the last couple of weeks text rate increased and yesterday he told me he loved me again. Which I find great, if I could take it seriously. But V and I met more than a year ago in a hostel in Brazil where he was working. All in all we talked over the course of three days maybe for an hour (generously counting), nothing happened and no sparks flew from my side. Plus he is still more than 10 years younger. He already confessed he love for me while I was still traveling in Brazil and now he is doing it again. I just don’t get it what’s his plan behind all of this. It’s not as if a booty call is right around the corner.
He is though always asking if he can come and visit me. So maybe he just wants to see my hometown?

So this is my weird life at the moment. I am kind of bored, not so much with myself, I love doing nothing at home, reading my books and watching the odd bit of tv. But I miss the fun stuff and also it’s not healthy to live such a celibate life. So I really, really have to do something. Also I am quite over the online dating stuff. Nothing good has happened there. Will try to formulate a new plan and get back to you.

First date night again

I am excited, at least a bit. Which is a good sign, no? On the other hand that might be too much expectation? Dating is hard, never really mastered the art of dating a couple of people at once, always had a very monogamous approach. So anyway, tonight I have another first date.

I have been on vacation the last couple of days and therefore our meeting had to be postponed. I met him online, how could it be any different, at a dating site I am not really using. This is a pay-for place and I just uploaded a profile. I can’t really use any features and can only write back if a paying member writes to me first. Which is what he did. Didn’t like his profile pic so much but at least he could spell. Nowadays that already counts for something.

We wrote back two, three times and then he asked if I was on Facebook which would facilitate the conversation a lot more. Since he gave me his details first to look him up, I sent the friend request. When I checked out his page I was quite astonished at how he looked. Totally different from his profile pic.
So while on vacation we messaged via fb and now that I am back we talked once for over 2 hours and use what’s app and regular e-mail.

There is one drawback though. Just the day before I left a friend of mine sent me a text asking me who he is. Apparently he sent her a friend request via fb, they have 5 people in common (we only had 1) and he asked her since they are working in the same field to meet for a coffee/drink thing work-related. At least that’s the way he broached the subject of meeting. I told her that we haven’t met so far and where I know him from. Also told her since she is recently divorced that he is a single dad and looking for someone.

In one of the first emails I got from him when I came back he mentioned meeting my friend and that I kind of came up and was like recommended to him…whatever that means. So when I called her to get some details she told me that he said something along the lines that it is usually not his style to send out friend requests via fb to people he doesn’t know. She then told him that she knows me and knows where we met…
She also told me that he is not her type at all (she told me that after the initial fb request already), but that he seems like a nice guy and that they had a good time. And that I should definitely meet him if he is my type.

So I am not really sure what to think about all of this. I honestly find it weird that he befriended a friend of mine and maybe it’s just bad luck for him that we are close. Not all fb friendships are real deals. I am excited about meeting him, actually I am excited about going out at all, but…I don’t know.

Oh yeah my vacation was great but I landed in a resort for families and old couples. So I am very relaxed but met nobody!