Where does the tongue go?

Ten days ago I had my date with the in the very promising F. Why I haven’t written so long about it? Because it turned out to be absolutely unimportant. We met for dinner at 6pm and he was already waiting. I arrived at the table, he smiled at me and I backed off in to the palm tree right behind me. God, his smile! Could the gap between his incisors have been any larger?
So sorry, I am at my most superficial at the moment, but it might be sexy to see Lauren Hutton with a small little gap in front. But when I see a guy with a large gap I am always wondering why the f*ck he didn’t get braces when he was younger. The first 30 minutes I didn’t even know where to look the whole time. My eyes were magically drawn to the gap between his teeth and I was trying to decide if he was lisping because of it or nonetheless. Also while watching him I imagined what would happen to my tongue while kissing him? Would it inevitable try to sneak in between the gap? So gross, but these were my thoughts. So good that there was not a chance in hell that we would get together.

When I could finally concentrate on what he was saying I noticed that he really liked to talk about himself, a lot! Which is quite difficult to achieve next to me because I tend to talk a lot as well. But he kept going on about how he successful he was in his profession and that he owned three different companies but now got himself employed in one of them because it was better for him tax-wise (I couldn’t follow this argument and I am a financial analyst). He then talked about his new company car that he was getting himself (something big and from Germany) and about his fun car that he would buy himself (a mini convertible). But when he offered to give me a lift to the next metro station, we got into an old and battered Kia.

It also turned out that he was not single since a year but only since 4 months and I got the feeling that his ex left him while he was in the hospital after an accident. Basically he talked about her all the time when taking a break from his amazing success stories.

He of course was very much into me (always to be expected when I am not), sent an email the next day, plus 2 texts and a phone call until I finally got around to answer him that even while I enjoyed our evening together tremendously, I didn’t think that there was any future for us. He took it like a man and wrote back that he can only accept such a charming let down! Haha, that was the best part about him.

In other news about special K there are no news. I haven’t heard from him since he texted back on the day after our weekend which of course is in line with his usual behavior. Still, if I am honest with myself (and I really try to be because what’s the point of lying to myself?), I am disappointed. On the other hand I know that we will not get together ever, we will always just have fun (or not so much at the moment). But is it fun for me when I wait (kind of) for him to get in touch? Hate it, hate it, hate it that I am so depending on him calling or texting. Also I miss having sex. I can go months without it but the moment I start again, I want it all the time. What’s a girl to do? Should I write him and tell him that. Ok, this is really a purely rhetorical question because I would never ever write him that, putting our “relationship” on this kind of level. As long as I am not doing this, we still (could) have something else (and I know I am just lying to myself here, no need to point that out!).

Meanwhile I try to keep myself busy with lots of sport and online dating. But I haven’t met anyone in a while and most guys just seem dumb and uninteresting after a couple of emails. Do I really want to waste my time even meeting them or would I not rather stay home and read a good book? Maybe it’s the weather but I tend to stay home and read a book. Since this is not a solution I will go out with the girls tomorrow, yeah!!!

Movie weekend in the mountains

I came back last night from my weekend with K and what can I tell you… we will definitely never be a couple but I had the most amazing time with him!

He picked me up from the train station and like in a movie he was waiting for me right in front of my exit. Not five minutes after arriving at his place there was no stopping us. We made for his bed (a single bed!) right away. After we got that out of our system we started to get acquainted again. That sounds actually weirder than it was. It’s just that we never before spent so much time together. So it was kind of fun to pick each other’s brain and get to know each other again. He had cooked dinner for me and the food was amazing. I really don’t say this lightly because I am a very picky eater in the sense that I can cook really well myself and I hate everything that is done with ready-made ingredients. I can literally taste all the convenience food right away and hate it when I get it served under the pretense of home-made food. He clearly knows what he is doing in the kitchen and later told me that he had learned it from his mother.

After dinner we basically went back to bed (in lieu of a couch), started a movie and had to restart the movie again an hour later. I don’t know how we made it through the night in his small bed but we did and I actually found some sleep.
The next morning he had to go to work while I spent my morning going for coffee and sitting in the sun (which felt great after all the dreary days back home). Once he was back from work though, it was back to bed again. And there we stayed until we went out for dinner.

Sunday he had to work all day, so I decided to hit the local spa. Stayed for hours in the wellness area with 3 kinds of saunas, steam rooms and jacuzzi. Loved it and when I went back to his place at 7pm he had already made dinner again. The evening was quite different from the other two because we shared two bottles of wine, plus had a cocktail each. It ended with us trashing his bed, relocating to the floor for a while and then repairing it before going to sleep. Hilarius! I think this hasn’t happened to me since university or so.

Monday morning we finally had for us and we used it to the max. He had gone shopping the night before and bought everything for a delicious breakfast. So we only got out of bed for a bit of nourishment and the rest of time we spent in it. Anyway I had to leave around 3pm to make it back home in the evening.

So what can I say after this long weekend together? I really like him a lot, we have a lot in common also but also a lot of differences. I don’t think I would be happy in a relationship with him while on the other hand I probably want one anyway. So I have to be really careful not to get too deeply involved in this because it will not end well. The funny thing is that we spoke about how it ‘ended’ between us 4 years ago. We had this conversation where I told him I wanted more and he said he couldn’t give me more and then all melodramatic cow that I am, I told him that I will stay the night but that was that. And apparently it was. K told me that he was quite astonished that I never got in touch again. I checked my mails with him a while back and it’s true. I was never the one who instigated our contact.

So what’s a girl to do? I get it that he likes to spend time with me but for sure he is not in love. And while I can say the same for me at the moment, I can also say that I see myself easily falling in love with him if he lets me. Which he will not, he is kind of making sure of it that this will not happen. It was interesting to see from a sociological point of view (not from a personal perspective) how he distanced himself emotionally on Monday. I could almost watch the gap widen between us.
But when I sent him a text this morning that while I enjoyed my king size bed, I missed him nonetheless and that I had a good time with him; he wrote back that he enjoyed it too and then almost in an afterthought as if he had just realized it himself ‘yes, I had a great time’. Interesting, no?

So, I told him that if he will invite me again, I am not averse to come again (pun intended). Let’s see when I will get asked again. I bet you it will not be before March. A guy needs his space after all.

Talking about a different guy, F sent a text on Saturday. Asking me how the skiing went and that I should be careful as not to hurt myself. Very thoughtful. He sent another text last night with the details of the restaurant he wants to take me to and the time we are meeting. I like that he is taking charge of things and also his choice of restaurant. It’s a really good place but also not overly fancy. So tomorrow is the big day with F. Will let you know how it went.

Where will this end?

This afternoon I will be leaving for the mountains to see K. I still don’t know if this a brilliant or the worst idea I ever had.

K by the way sent a text last Thursday (which I read Friday morning) telling me that he was thinking about me. Already this happening made me realize how different our affair is this time to whatever we had four years ago. Then a text with a wording like this would never have happened. Now to make matters worse (or even better depending on how you look at it) I got an email from him that same Friday in which he explained in detail how much time he has, how he wants to spoil me and despoil me (that in not so graphic detail but leaving room for thought) and how I can spend my time while he works. And to make matters totally complicated and bring my feelings into a complete turmoil, he called Sunday night! I saw his missed call shortly before I went to my gym class and then later tried to call him back. But all the while during the class I thought about what he wanted, imagining all kinds of scenarios like him cancelling etc. And you know what he wanted when he called back? He just wanted to know how I was doing…

I cannot believe this is happening. Everything is different and he is just a lot nicer than I am used to. So I will try to relax and have no expectations. Still don’t know how to do this but will do my best this weekend. Also packed two books, just in case.

I have as well some online dating news. I am now in touch with F. He is not my usual kind of guy, he is a lot smaller than I like them and also a bit older than me. But he also still has a full set of hair (at least on his picture), and everything else about him just fits with what I want in a man. On the phone he is funny, attentive and has the right kind of accent.
Regarding accent: Do you have that in English too? That when you listen to someone’s voice you know exactly where he is coming from? What kind of background, education and ‘class’ he is coming from? And quite often when I talk to someone, it ends right there on the phone because I just know that we don’t match. OMG, I am really superficial…

Anyway, let’s get back to F. He already asked me out on our first phone call. He wants to go for dinner at a nice place. Let’s see what he means by that. We had already agreed on day, but I told him I would love to talk to him before that because it’s only next Wednesday and it’s always kind of weird when you have a date in 10 days and then don’t talk to the other person again. Since he had to travel outside of the country and I am going skiing this weekend, we agreed on next week. He really sent another email, asking me when I would be home to talk to him and then on Wednesday this week he called and we talked for about 2 hours. Not too bad.

I am starting now to get a bit nervous about my weekend with K (am leaving in less than 5 hours). Will keep you posted about everything.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

I have been very successful with my new picture in the online profile. My only problem is that I haven’t met anyone so far. I am mailing and talking to two guys in another province (along with quite a lot others). Both seem cute if not overly bright. But I don’t want to ask for to much in the beginning.

The younger of these two was actually in town over Christmas and but then called me on his last day here to meet. Sorry, could and would not meet him then. Really should have a made a bit more of an effort.
The second one was supposed to come today to attend a birthday party and then meet me tomorrow. Now he canceled because he got sick. And after yesterdays texts I am not unhappy about it.

Why is it that guys always start to talk about sex after a while? What is the point talking about it when one hasn’t actually met and chances are slim that there is any chemistry? And even if, where does it say that I would shag them right away? I really, really hate that and I usually end all communication when it gets to this point. I rather not talk about it but do it instead with someone I like.

On Christmas Eve I got a surprise call from Special K. He was back in town for a night to spend the evening with his family. I was so surprised that I even forgot to ask if there was any chance that we could meet. So when I called back 10 minutes later (why oh why do I have the greater need and have to ask for it???) I only got his voicemail of course. I left a message to ask if he wanted to get together later but had only a slim hope to hear from him. And of course I didn’t. But still I was duly impressed to have heard from him at all. This is so unlike him to just call and wish me ‘Merry Christmas’. I could almost get the impression he likes me a lot more than he lets on.

New Years Eve came and I had already decided beforehand to give K a call. I mean he called at Christmas so the least I could do was show him the same courtesy. So I call, get now answer and decide this time to write a text instead of leaving a message. Two minutes later his reply comes wishing me all the best as well but also asking me if I don’t want to come to see him. So I call again to hear his invitation in person and again no answer. I write another text that it’s a shame that I couldn’t hear this exciting invitation in person and that I will try to come in January.

Five minutes later he called. We talked for a bit about when I could come and how long I would stay and so on. Since it is a 5 hour train ride I told him I would like to come on a Friday evening and stay until Monday afternoon. He also works on the weekend and it is easier for him to get a weekday off. Which leaves us with one morning to spend as we want (besides all evening and nights). I was not sure about the three days but he assures me that it is not too long for him. Imagine my excitement after this call.

On the way to my friend’s place for New Year’s Eve I got a text from a number I didn’t recognize. It turned out to be a text from Big K. I have not heard from this guy for 2 month and now all of a sudden he sends a text to wish me all the best for 2014 and then asking me to eventually meet him after January 15. So I write back to wish him all the best as well but telling him that I don’t really get his reference to this eventual date in January. To which he replies: Don’t you want to meet again? I almost fell of my seat laughing so hard. Had to write back ‘No, whatever for?’. What’s it with these guys??? And I don’t even want to start talking about all the weirdos who contacted me over Christmas to spend the evening with them. All these sad and lonely guys. Don’t they have any friends or family?

But let’s get to the good part about New Year’s Eve. When I wake up the next morning I had a text from special K from 3:30 in the morning, telling me that he just got home and wishing me a happy new year. Including a kiss. Texted back that I wished him the same that I was still in bed returning his kiss. When I woke up an hour later I had another text telling me that he would love to be right next to me to sleep with me. To which I replied that I was looking forward to our weekend and that he could show me that then in detail. And that I would definitely try to already come on Friday evening. And then he texts back that I also have to ‘come’ in the morning and that he just starts to imagine it all and if I am naked? Which I found super unfair because I was still at my friend’s place and already up at this time and it was definitely not the right moment to start sexting.

I told him that I couldn’t think about this right now because we would not see each other for another three weeks. And then hours later he sends another text that he is still daydreaming about having sex with me. And that he is at his work and can’t stop thinking about it all and that he would have sex with me this evening in his bed. Which was super weird for me because he never wrote or said anything like it before and I was still at my friend’s place. So definitely no privacy anywhere. I wrote back that he has to stop with it right now but that I already know what to do to him the moment I see him. I really hope that kickstarted his phantasy.

Anyway I booked my train ticket yesterday and will see him in exactly 2 weeks. He already promised me that he wants to sleep with me often and that he will try to take also one more day off. Now this sounds promising.

So now I am all excited and don’t want to meet any of the online guys. Which is totally unhealthy because as we all know whatever Special K and I have will not lead to anything at all. It only works as long as I can go along with the ‘none thing’ we have. I therefore made an effort last night, dressed up and went out with my friends. And totally met an interesting guy who didn’t ask for my number! Really, really hate that. He is the friend of a friend of mine which I haven’t seen in years. I talked first to my friend and then later introduced myself to A. While I talked to him I noticed how cute he looked and that he a super nice smile. And he was laid back, wearing jeans and a t-shirt, but was already a professor at university while looking himself still like a student. Exactly the kind of guy I like! And he is single because he had told my girlfriend just moments before. So now I am starting to wonder how I can see him again. Exactly the right frame of mind in which to see Special K again!

Special K

While experiencing my latest online drama an old friend of mine got in touch again. I have known little K since I was 16 and during highschool he was very much in love with me. I don’t think I ever felt the same for him but I have very fond memories of us together.

Fast forward a couple of years (we are now three years ago), K got in touch via Facebook, we met and had an unforgettable evening. Everything happened that didn’t happen during highschool. Only difference was that now I fell in love with him and he wasn’t with me. We spent a couple of weeks “together” and lost touch again since he moved to Africa for a couple of months and I still hoped for a career here.

Still we kept on mailing every couple of months and I knew what he was up to. Fast forward again to three weeks ago. Kind of out of the blue I get an email that he will be in town and if I wanted to go for a drink. We agreed on a day and decided arrange the place spontaneously. In the end we met at the exact same place as three years ago. Which was funny and but maybe in hindsight also an indicator about what was to happen.

I was really happy to see him and didn’t feel one bit self-conscious despite of how we left off. And I got the same feeling from him. We spent the whole evening watching a soccer game first and then catching up on each other’s life. The atmosphere was light and pleasant between us and it just felt good and right to be with him. And then shortly before going home everything changed with one super charged look from him and I could actually see myself melting.

We kissed right there in the bar and left 5 minutes later. I loved it that on the way home he took my hand and that we kissed right in the middle of the metro. It made me feel like a teenager again. The next morning when he left he wished me a pleasant day and I told him to have a great vacation for which he was leaving three days later. I felt great, had no regrets and no expectations. Always a great combination.

I was pretty sure though that he would get in touch later in November when he would be back from his vacation and before he would start his new job outside of town. Plus I know that doesn’t really like email. All the bigger my astonishment when I saw his email on Monday morning. Which was basically telling me that he had thought about me.

My problem now is that I am already starting to interpret this email and that I was way to pleased to hear from him. This is not healthy at all! Also he was just probably doing the ground work for more hopping into the sack the moment he is back in town. Urgh!!! Why am I so easily excitable over something like an email?

On the other hand it is the first time ever that he referred to time spent together. He had never done anything like it before. Maybe I should just shut up about it and enjoy whatever is happening from the time he is back until he leaves in January? It’s not like I have something better to do. My online dating is getting me nowhere. Or maybe it is getting me nowhere because my heart is otherwise attached. Which cannot be because this thing with little K only started this week and before that nothing had happened either in the online dating field. What’s a girl to do? And the little by the way refers to his being so skinny and quite small. He is actually not my type at all. But maybe that makes him so special?

One special date

The same week I saw P I also met big K. I have to call him that so that you can keep track of what’s happening. In the first picture big K sent me he really looked kind of cute. He also reminded me of my first love and even though he is older and not as tall as I like them, I found him very interesting to talk to and agreed to meet with him.
What was kind of weird beforehand was that he sent me a text on the day before we met, asking me if I still wanted to meet with him, the grey haired, portly, funny man. Thanking him for his warning I said I would take up the challenge and still meet with him. I knew that he was not the skinny kind, I could see it on his picture, but I was still interested. Still it’s kind of unsexy if a guy puts himself down. Usually they are getting high on their self-esteem.
Then the next day he sent another text: “Bad luck for you, I am not sick”! What’s up with this guy?
With this happening a mere hours before we met you can imagine that my excitement was below freezing level.

Finally it was 6:30pm, he picked me up from my apartment and I got into his car. Please don’t get carried away about the danger of this all. I am living in one of the safest countries in the world, plus with the bit of information he gave me I googled him. And I just knew that with such an esteemed member of our society there was no question of anything bad happening to me. I don’t normally do that but here it felt ok.

Anyway, let’s get to the point. He waited in the car for me and watched my face while I took his measure (in the literal sense). So he was kind of big but not in an unappealing way. Then he proposed on going for a drink to a really nice roof top bar where I had not been before. This is just the place where you have to go on a date and be invited for a drink. Otherwise it is too expensive and there is not enough happening for it.

The evening with him proved to be nice. Really just nice, there was a bit of spark, the conversation kept flowing and the drinks were delicious. Plus he invited me which is not something you can expect anymore. He gave me a lift home and then we said goodbye just by shaking hands which was a bit awkward. Later I got a text from him thanking me for my smile and a wonderful evening. I know it’s corny but I am sucker for this kind of stuff.

So I texted back the next morning also thanking him for a lovely evening. Then we texted back and forth a bit and he finally asked when we could see each other again and suggests a day. I told I couldn’t make it on that particular day but suggested two other days. He objected to both, then ending with “we will find an evening…”.

After that I didn’t hear from him for about a week when I finally sent another text asking if he was traveling. That was one of the reasons he gave for declining my suggested evening. He texted back right away that he was in Germany but was coming back the next day. We then agreed on him calling me around 10pm after his dinner with clients. He finally called at 11:45pm. I was still awake and up and he had sent a text before asking if it was ok to call now.

And then it got weird because he wanted to know why I got in touch with him first when I so clearly stated at our date that I wanted him to call first. So I told him the truth that I found it weird to wait for a week to hear from him again and if he hadn’t had answered the text today I would have deleted his contact details. Where is the interest in getting to know someone if you don’t show any?
He then asked me if I was horny?? Just because I got in touch? What is up with this weirdo?
So then he suggested another day and I told him I would get back to him the next day if it was possible for me. It was not, I suggested another day and now we meet on Saturday.

And I still can’t believe I even agreed to meet with him in the first place after this phone call. After what he asked me, just because I got in touch with him first. The guy is 48 and behaves worse than a guy in his twenties (I met some really mature younger guys in my time).

And you know what? Now I don’t want to meet anymore. We talked exactly one week ago. He never called or texted in between. He also told me in no uncertain terms that he expects me to think and arrange on where we go and what we do. As if choosing a bar for the first date absolves him for ever more. No, I am not into him anymore. Whatever spark there was got crushed in this weird aftermath of never talking to him and when I was talking to him he just ruined it with his unbelievable questions.

I know I still owe you the story of little K, but this has to come some other time. And it’s way better!

Update from the dating front

I met the first guy finally last Friday. C looked like a geek from his picture but turned out even worse. We were actually supposed to meet before but then settled on last Friday.
The day after talking to him I noticed that it was soccer qualification night with an exceptionally important game for Austria (which we lost but that’s another story). Anyway, in my mind I was like, no way I am going to see it with this guy I don’t know. I want to have some fun and see it together with friends. So I made plans for the night and thought to myself that I will just have to let the guy know.

Come Friday night I leave my Pilates class when I get a call from C that he was already at our meeting place. Sh*t I forgot to cancel. So had to meet him since we made plans first. Canceled my friends on the way to the bar and just accepted my fate. It was all my fault anyway.

On seeing him disappointment kept coming in waves. He looked even worse than expected. You know pictures can only show so much from a person. He looked exactly like his picture but also a lot worse. Plus his style, his cheap personality and his overall cockiness just added to the conviction that this will be a one time event. Since the game was already running I stayed and spent the evening. When we said goodnight later he apparently had had a different impression from how our date went and instead airkissing my cheek he zoomed in on my mouth. I could just turn my head in time to avoid a smacker. Just writing about it makes me almost sick. So this was C.

Monday night I met P. P is nine years older than I, so not at all my usual type. But I thought I would branch out a bit, not that I was so successful with my type before. I was late on meeting him (sent him a text of course) because I had to work late and wanted to go for a run and didn’t want to cancel that just for a date. So shortly before I arrive I get a text from him that he is waiting inside in the smoking zone. Don’t ask, we still have that here. Austria is a bit backwards when it comes to health issues.

So I was already miffed when I arrived. What was the point of washing my hair if I would smell like an ashtray after? Once I arrive at our table I looked at him and got a faint feeling of recognition. And indeed, an hour into hour conversation (which flowed easily) he mentioned his former employer and all of a sudden I remembered. “OMG, I met you ten years ago already at the same dating platform”. First he was like this cannot be but upon asking me why it never worked out between us I told him that at that time he listed himself as divorced in his profile while in the meantime he was still married. I never ever date married guys. There is only heartache and pain in store as far as I know from all my friends. And you know what’s funny, he told me that he still was married. The cheek of it!

Cringe attack

My date on Saturday did not happen. We talked before on the phone and he sounded like a stuffy old man. I just had to make an excuse and begged off. Urgh, didn’t want to waste my evening with this guy. See, this comes from forgetting that I don’t like older men. When I talk to them and I can already hear that there is no connection whatsoever.

Meanwhile I am juggling quite a bit of different guys per mail and texts. Some of them get in touch quite often, others not so. Of course the one I liked best so far, didn’t get back after the phone call. I followed up with an email two days later to which he replied but no answer to my last one. So getting anywhere with him…

Yesterday I was supposed to have another date quite late after a work-out session. I called and canceled 45 minutes before meeting him and he understood that I was super tired after the training. Problem is that he asked for another picture (the one I have online is with sunglasses) and then I sent the picture to the wrong guy. Plus I apologized again for canceling.

So embarrassing especially since the other guy thought I was only emailing with him. However did he get that impression. It happened because I was texting with him at this moment so I mixed up their names and oops, sent to the wrong guy. Then I wanted to save the situation by telling him that I was home and he could call my land line (my cell gets not enough reception to have a conversation, just enough for texts) . Five minutes later he texts that he called and I didn’t pick up. Saw then that I had left the cordless on the couch and that it ran out of battery. I apologized again but then deleted everything. Am sure that I will never hear from him again.

How do you go about online dating? I believe when you sign up somewhere it is clear that you make the most out of it and get in touch with as many people as possible. The eliminating starts soon enough. But how can someone get the impression he is the only one? How can emailing be exclusive? In the end it doesn’t matter, I will not hear from G. again.

Having fun

So my inbox got flooded this week by lots of emails from old guys wanting to wine and dine me and young guys wanting to just f*ck me. And in between a couple of mails from seemingly regular guys within the right age group.

Ok, so maybe my age group is narrow and I rather like them younger than older. I am old myself, no reason therefore to look for someone a lot older. Also my other ‘problem’: I like them tall. I am quite small (maybe even on the tiny side) so why should I date someone the same size? I want a man to look up in all possible ways.

I think I have my first date tomorrow afternoon. Honestly I don’t know. I gave out my number to three guys and with one of them I arranged to meet tomorrow. We are seeing an exhibition. At least I think so. Anyway I saved all their numbers with their respective picture so I will know whom I meet.

So I am sure you think now I am not taking this serious enough. But you know what? I took it all very serious for a long time and nothing happened. So the worst that can happen now is that I at least have fun.

Online dating

Today I used my lunch break to sign up again with an online dating platform. I was so proud of myself to leave all this behind in July and now I am back I the game. But honestly I got bored. You go out and meet nobody. How is that even possible that guys are not coming up anymore to women and just talk to them?
Anyway, I put a picture up and my mailbox got flooded. Am just now trying to read through it a bit. Will have to leave a lot for tomorrow’s lunch break. But you what? Just love it!